Hello, 2015. What a Way to Start the Year.

Wow, has it really been almost 2 years since I posted here? How much has changed...

No point trying to catch up on every little thing so I'll just write about what's on my mind these days. I'm watching my parents physically fall apart in front of my very eyes. I didn't think I'd have to worry about such things until I was in my 60s. Here I am just starting the next generation with the first grandchild on either side of the family, and my parents bodies are showing signs of wear.

After a dramatic weight loss that left my father weighing less than me, I took him in for a physical to find out that he was hyperglycemic with a blood sugar level of 523 WITH pneumonia. It was Type 2 diabetes and the worst part of it is that apparently he has known about for two years! He's been in denial about it and decided to treat himself with a variety of crazy myths. The latest? Drinking gallons of "bitter juice". Yes, my diabetic father was drinking about a gallon of grapefruit juice a day for the past 3 months. Thus the dramatic weight loss and pneumonia. I'm happy to report that he is now set with a blood sugar monitor and is keeping a diary of food and sugar levels, hopefully making up for the past two years of harmful activity.

But that's not the kicker. Last month, my mother also fell very ill. We kept asking her for more information, but she wouldn't share, as she became more and more immobile, we finally just took her to the Emergency Room. Her body was riddled with an infection and she had severe back pain. After many tests, we discovered blood clots in her lungs, legs and Stage 4 breast cancer. Yeah, fucking cancer. After she was safely in the hospital and we knew what we were dealing with, she began to talk. I learned that there was a lump that showed up over 5 years ago, that she had shared it with her sister who had advised to get it checked out. However, because it never physically hurt, she never did.

In both cases, we're just dealing with the here and now. Taking one day at a time. I've learned a lot these past few weeks about both my parents, their fears, their strengths, and how to better communicate with them.

My parents are only in their 60s, I can't imagine what would have happened if me and my siblings hadn't noticed their weight loss and silent suffering and started asking hard questions. There was a lot of resistance, tears and yelling. But we got both of them on paths for treatment. My father has a lot of weight to gain back and my mom has at least 4 months of chemo ahead of her. She just started to lose her hair last week, but we are all full of positivity and hope. January put so much into perspective for me, I have tons to be grateful for and a few pieces of unnecessary baggage I can finally cut free. More than anything, I am so thankful that I have my siblings. Taking turns caring for our parents, watching each other's backs. Don't get me wrong, we certainly fought as kids, had our differences, ignored or have been highly competitive with each other. As adults, however, things have changed. Together, we are unbreakable. I cherish our late nights over In-N-Out reminiscing and sharing our hopes and dreams and the future we want to create.

When I was a kid, my family loved watching nature docs on PBS together.

If you have siblings that you aren't close with....try, and try again. As adults, you can piece such different perspectives together to see the past in a whole new light. Where before there was rank and different levels of maturity, as adults you can now stand as equals and come to a completely different level of understanding. I thank my parents for this a rare and precious gift: six amazing siblings that remind me that there are always a variety of perspectives to consider in any given situation. To quote Tolkien: "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us".

I've decided to choose forgiveness, gratefulness and love.

So Where Are All The Baby Photos?

There is without a doubt nothing I am more proud of than being a mom to my little BBH. So naturally like every other parent I can't help but want to flood my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds with cute photos and videos of my baby. However, I also worry about privacy online and what little BBH will and will not want to share when she is older.

Well, everyone has their limits. I know some parents who just won't share their children's names on social media or others that hand select a few pictures. The majority however, share everything - and who could blame them? Kids are cute and it's so hard to resist! CGB and I have decided that family photos are okay, and so is the occasional "too cute not to share", but in general we keep BBH out of focus or off social networks simply in respect to her future self. Like us, when she's older, she can share all the baby pics of herself that she wants.

So what's a proud mama to do? My iPhone is chock FULL of photos and videos just begging to be cooed and fawned over. And besides, even the over-sharers know there are just some videos and pics you would only want family to see.

Well, here's how my proud parent bug is satiated:

Apple's Shared Photo Streams:

One of the latest iOS updates made shared Photo Streams available. Shared Photo Streams are the easiest way I've found to share photos in my Camera Roll with just the people I choose. Friends and family are invited to subscribe via email and every time I add a photo to my stream, they can leave comments and "like" it. In fact, they get notified automatically when I add a new photo or when comments are added. It's our own private social network for photos!

It's become such a hit, each of our family members has their own stream and we share everyday photos with just a tap of the finger. Learn more about it here. Only available for Apple devices.

Fantastic for photos, but what about video? Well, I'm addicted to:

Joya - Send Mobile Family Videos

Pretty much anything you can do with the streams, Joya does for mobile videos. In addition, the beauty of this app is that it takes all the technology out of sharing videos. Viewers don't need the app (unless they want to view and keep all your videos on their mobile device). Also, unlike Photo Streams, this app is device agnostic, android/apple they're all friends here.

No more grainy videos via MMS or fiddling with attachments and downloads. No need to worry about what kind of file extensions I have or finding the right program to play the video. I just upload within the app, and a private link can be sent via SMS or email to Grandma - all she has to do is click and my full length, full quality video plays in a browser window.

With Joya I don't worry about who is viewing my videos. I don't have to take time setting anything to private or editing lists because I invite and send videos directly to my family and friends. It doesn't sit on YouTube somewhere or semi-hidden in Facebook. In addition, I get a notice every time one of my friends or family watch a clip. It brings a smile to my face knowing they can get a little nugget of BBH's world anytime they want.

Just like the Photo Streams, we've expanded our usage beyond baby. I have family members sending vacation videos, funny pet clips and even special messages to BBH to get her accustomed to their faces and voices (wayyy better than just photos!). The privacy element actually makes the experience very personal. Download it for free here!

The funny thing is, with these private options available, I actually share more than I would have with just social media. I think I average about a photo every other day and a video ever other week! BBH just started crawling about two weeks ago, so I've got quite the bevy of videos taking up my Joya stream these days!

Disclaimer: All views and opinions are my own. Full disclosure: Though I had the privilege of working with the Joya team, I was not compensated or asked to write about this app I simply love :)

Makin' it Rain: A Birth Story

The due date (9/20) came and went and I had already told CGB that we'd do one of our urban hikes on Saturday to get some delicious Arizmendi pizza to walk BBH out. It's a beautiful 4-mile walk roundtrip that takes you through Golden Gate Park, by the fragrant rose garden and past the De Young/Science Center. On this particular day, we got started around 11AM. It was a sunny, comfortable day and we definitely stopped to smell the roses.

Once we got to Arizmendi, CGB went ahead and got a whole order of pizza per our usual. It was mushrooms, red onions and rosemary oil, and as always we got it to go and enjoyed it together on a bench in the botanical gardens. A pesky squirrel and curious scrub jay even came to visit during our meal. As we headed back, I started to feel some contractions. Nothing too painful but these were definitely not Braxton Hicks anymore. As we walked past the De Young, I decided to take a quick bathroom break and we finished the 2 remaining slices of pizza that we had carried out of the botanical gardens. We even stopped to take another photo (the last, as it turned out) of "the bump."

By the time we got home, the contractions were starting to get a bit annoying. I told CGB, "Oh yeah, these are the real deal now." At 3PM, we decided to pre-pack and get everything into the car ready to go, assuming that we'd likely end up heading to the hospital in the morning. Once everything was packed we took a look at some movie times and were pretty disappointed that there wasn't really anything interesting to watch. Dredd was the highest rated option, other than The Master. The Master was probably the better movie, but we really didn't want to have to concentrate that hard on a movie that was already being reviewed as needing more than one viewing.

We decided to head out for a 5:15PM viewing of Dredd, and it was perfect. Pulpy, easy to follow, gory, super bloody fun. We didn't see it in 3D, but I could see the benefits of it considering the "slo-mo" effects. The movie did a great job of keeping my mind off the contractions. They were noticeable, but I was having too much fun to mind them. We drove back home right after around 7PM and the drive back wasn't too bad. Uncomfortable, but tolerable. I could still talk during the contractions without any problem.

Back home, I decided to re-read a few pertinent chapters of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth which CGB and I were finding to be the BEST reference for our plan to have a natural unmedicated childbirth. Meanwhile, CGB timed my contractions using an iPhone app - they weren't very consistent every 3-9 mins. Around midnight I decided I should probably get some sleep in preparation for the big day, but sleep wasn't coming. I lay in bed as CGB organized music, gathered some final "Hospital Humor" photos for the iPad and also re-read Ina May. He joined me around 1AM and started timing contractions again. By 3AM, they were coming in every 2-3 minutes, we had not yet reached the standard 1 minute in length, but we'd been going like this for at least 2 hours so we decided to call it in.

The nurse on the phone took in our information and told us to, "scoot on in." Luckily we live only 5 minutes away from the hospital so we took our time to both shower, feed the cats and triple check our list. I painfully walked down the 4 flights of stairs to the car, stopping and initiating my deep breathing with each contraction. At even only 5 minutes, the drive to the hospital was excruciating. When we got to the OB reception, I saw another couple get turned away. "Not yet" a woman told her husband as they picked up their hospital bag and returned back home. I hoped that was not our fate.

After settling us in, a few nurses took our vitals and some blood (which ended up leaving a horrible bruise). I have a feeling that after the couple before us, they were pretty used to turning people away and expected the same for us. Around 5:30AM, someone checked and found that I was 100% effaced and 4 cm dilated - we were being moved up to Labor & Delivery! "Halfway there," CGB thought to himself...boy was he wrong! From 6-8AM, a nurse named Kris took care of us and monitored BBH's heartbeat. She was fine at 135-145 bpm reacting appropriately to every contraction. I declined an IV in order to stay mobile, we walked the hallways and kept trying different breathing sounds.

From 8AM on, nurses Kim and Natalie took over. CGB immediately taped up legal sized photos from our Belize honeymoon and turned on ambient ocean sounds to help me focus on relaxation which really helped. We had a huge window and I'd often just stare out to fit and happy people going about their morning. Every chance he could, CGB made eye contact with me and offered a different breathing pattern which I would mimic to get through the pain. At noon, I was checked again and progress had been made: 5-6cm! There was some doctor chatter about breaking the waters, but nurse Kim didn't believe it would be necessary.

CGB ordered some lunch and had a cheeseburger and fries while I sipped water and ate strawberry jello. I bounced on the birthing ball and just watched him eat with envy. We continued to walk, breath and focus as CGB put up a photo I took of the Pantheon (one of my favorite focal points) to help me keep thinking "open." After lunch, the pain increased and CGB decided to share his "Hospital Humor" photo gallery on the iPad with me. It was a collection of various photos we'd taken throughout the years and internet memes that he knew had made me laugh. However, an afternoon check at 2PM found that we had not made any progress.  Luckily hourly fetal monitoring found that BBH was beyond content to stay in the womb, maintaining her heartbeat and showing zero signs of distress.

At 3PM, it had been 24 hours of labor (almost 12 in the hospital) so we all agreed to break the waters. Kim told me that things would progress quickly soon after and to prepare for the rush. Sure enough the pain did come faster and some of the "Hospital Humor" photos weren't cutting it for me. I focused on the Pantheon and kept walking and bouncing on the birthing ball. Instead of just deep breathing I was starting to groan. By 4PM, we had progressed to 6cm and Kim told us to prepare for active labor and the pain of transition. She told us that transition was when she found that women go crazy and completely lose control. Kim had shared with us earlier in the day that she had been through a natural unmedicated birth herself, so she was purposeful in making eye contact with me and telling me to "be ready for it."

From 5:30-7PM, I can't even correctly recollect all the details of the labor. CGB tells me that I was on my hands and knees on the bed, grabbing the handrails with every contraction and growling, grunting and snarling like a wild animal. I remember telling everyone I wanted to push, but being told it wasn't yet time. My eyes were closed or squinted from this moment on. Kim and CGB took turns wiping my brow and offering me water after every contraction. I remember exclaiming, "HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO PUSH THROUGH THIS?!" I dreaded the fetal monitoring every half-hour, but was thankful every time I heard that BBH was happy as a clam inside. At 7PM, I heard the words I desperately wanted to hear: "You are complete, let's prepare for pushing."

In my delirium I heard CGB ask how long this last stage might take. Kim told him anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. It had now been 16 hours since we were admitted and 28 hours since labor had first started. The end just kept moving farther and farther away from us. We tried pushing on all fours to begin with, and made slow progress. We had the squat bar placed as requested and made better progress there. My eyes were still closed, I was sweating profusely and beyond exhaustion. I heard nothing but words of encouragement but could sense that I wasn't progressing during this time as quickly as the OB and nurses had hoped. I was tired and deep inside my head, I honestly wasn't sure I could go on. At 8PM, CGB feared that my exhaustion was too great and later told me that he could sense the OB wanting to intervene (possibly with an episiotomy) and decided he needed to put the pedal to the metal. He leaned behind me and coached me through the next several pushes as we "pushed" together. He told me we were so, so close. For one brief moment I remember not being able to feel him behind me and I asked, "Where are you?" He pushed back into me in response and told me we were almost there. Suddenly the room was abuzz as BBH started to crown. Between my squinted eyes I could see things were moving and scrubs were being pulled on. The bed was prepared for delivery and I could sense the feeling in the room shift to much anticipation. With my last reserves, CGB and I pushed together, through the "ring of fire." At 8:21PM, I felt a huge gush of water and instant, immediate relief. Adrenaline coursed through my body as a wet and wriggly baby was placed onto my belly. My own eyes finally opened at the same time BBH's did. She cried and scanned the entire room. She latched for breastfeeding immediately watching me every second with surprising consciousness.

Our original plan was to have the OB cut the umbilical cord, but after the entire journey, CGB decided to do it after all. We even had the icing on top of having them wait to cut the cord until it stopped pulsating. Other than the intervention of breaking the waters, everything we wanted came true. No IV, no epidural, no pitocin and what we once thought to be inevitable...no cesarean.

After an initial hour of euphoria, I officially passed out and CGB took care of the rest. Two stitches and a placenta later, we were moved to Recovery where we spent the next 48 hours as mini-celebrities for our amazingly long and completely unmedicated natural birth. At 8lbs, 1oz and 21 inches long, she surprised everyone with her strength and alertness, scoring a solid 9 on her APGAR.

This first week at home is an entirely new (and scary) adventure, but I am so unbelievably grateful that Rain Althea Barratt remained cool, calm and collected through a 29-hour labor to make all this possible. She's already proven herself to be one strong little lady.

The Final Week

Five days before the due date is EXACTLY when you go to a wedding!

Despite many dubious looks and words of concern, I knew that unless I was in labor that morning, we were going to Brett and Nancy's wedding. To me, staying at home and having nothing happen would have been absolutely worse than going and having to leave early. As we get closer to the due date, often times it seems that everyone around me is more freaked out about this impending birth than I am. CGB says I'm being overconfident, but I'm just taking it one day at a time.

When you're told at the beginning of a pregnancy that you may have no choice but to have a cesarean, there isn't much to anticipate. A date will be picked, a time will be set. In addition to us already knowing that we're having a girl and having picked out a name back in January, everything starts to feel like it's running on automatic.

However, when suddenly all the options become available, you feel like you've been given a second chance.  When my placenta previa cleared, I began to appreciate each and every day. I looked forward to my check-ups. Finding out on week 38 that I had effaced from 25%-90% was really cool. Even if it isn't really any indication of timing, it's amazing to know that our bodies just know what to do. The surprise of not knowing when this baby could come is probably the most exciting part of this pregnancy and call it overconfidence or blind optimism, but I for one don't plan to sit around and pace in fear or hide myself away from society. I'm going to (safely) enjoy these last few days (or weeks) as they come. My goal now is to have an unmedicated birth, but lesson learned - I'm staying as flexible as possible.

And BTW, the wedding was absolutely gorgeous. The weather was in the sunny 70s, and we had a blast. By far one of the most beautiful weddings I've attended to date - of course I was crying during the ceremony and of course I had a bite of every dessert offered (2 types of cake, chocolate cupcakes, homemade apple pie, a candy bar of delectables, and make your own s'mores!) To celebrate the occasion, I decided to wear an old vintage dress that my mother wore when she was pregnant with me. I wonder if it will still be fashionable enough for little BBH to wear herself someday...

3 days to go, then BBH starts to collect brownie points. Well, except for the 24th - I think it would be best for both of us if we didn't have the exact same birthday!

The Waiting Place

Now that BBH is full term, CGB has been reading aloud to help her get accustomed to his voice and so that there might be something consistent and comforting waiting for her outside in the real world that she'll remember from the womb. We always end the night with "Guess How Much I Love You" and Dr. Seuss' "Oh The Places You'll Go!"

With only 15 more days until the due date...CGB and I can't help but feel particularly in tune with what Dr. Seuss' described as the "waiting place":

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the rain to come, or the mail to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Tomorrow, we'll be at 38 weeks!
Below are some guesses for when BBH will arrive:

Early:
9/15 Great Aunt Lynn
9/16 Great Uncle Bill
9/17 Aunt Leah
9/18 First Cousin Bryce
9/19 Great Grandpa Beltz

On The Dot:
9/20 Great Grandma Park, Uncle Josh

Late:
9/21 Great Aunt Julie
9/22 Grandpa Geoffrey, Aunt Jasmine
9/23 CPB, (Grandma Sarah)
9/24 CGB, Grandma Donna
9/25 (Grandma Sarah), Uncle Andrew
9/26 Grandpa John
9/27 Great Aunt Betsy
9/28 Aunt Clare
10/2 Aunt Annisa

**Now updated for all immediate family. Seems like the majority of the family thinks BBH will be a later gator. My own mother has a hunch that we'll have another Park family b-day pairing. Two of my sisters have back to back birthdays in March and my mother and youngest brother have back to back birthdays in December. Since I'm the 24th, she's thinking BBH will hit the 23rd or 25th. Everyone is just waiting!

Baby Bearhat's First 3D Ultrasound

Two pieces of great news. First, we have less than 6 weeks to go and Baby Bearhat has turned! Secondly, the placenta has completely cleared so no previa for me! Looks like the dream is coming true, and I may get my natural unmedicated childbirth yet. Still no actual birth plan in place, but nice to know that a mandatory C-section is off the list.

Both pieces of news came during the 34th week ultrasound. In all previous ultrasounds BBH has always had a hand or foot in front of her face so we've never had a chance to really "see" her. This visit was no exception. Both hands were up in front of her face, and with things starting to get snug, so was the umbilical cord. Our technician however, was persistent and shook things up a bit to try and get a scan. She was somewhat successful.

Most will tell you that 3D ultrasounds are best done at 24-32 weeks, and ideally between week 26 and 30. This is because sound waves are used in an ultrasound. Between 26-30 weeks is when you have a good amount of space between the scanner and the baby due to a nice padding of amniotic fluid. If you go in earlier, there's not as much to see, and too much fluid. Anything later and there isn't as much fluid for a clean read, and things start to get tight as the umbilical cord, placenta and limbs start to all squeeze together.

The most important thing to remember is that the 3D ultrasound is just a reading of how the sound waves bounce back. It was surprising to me how many women freaked out in the baby boards when they saw a "hole" in the face or head. Unlike an actual photograph, it's more like seeing your reflection in a babbling brook. There's bound to be some distortion due to movement or lack of fluid.

Now, that being said, I think I we were better off not seeing our 3D ultrasound - or at least CGB was. It's quite surreal. We got 3 photos, all of them are half covered by hands or umbilical cord. Two look nothing like either of us, the third (above) is the least frightening. By CGB's reaction, I think it was probably better to have never looked at all! It'll be very interesting to compare real photos of BBH with this when she gets here. At least she's gaining weight, that's certainly good to see...but what a frown!

Baby Bearhat Teaches Me A Lesson

Baby Bearhat is already teaching me a lesson, and SHE still has 11 weeks to go!

I'm a very controlling person. "Bossy" is a term frequently (and lovingly) used to describe me by my friends and family. The upside is that if you hang with me, you'll never have to worry about not having a plan. I always have a plan A, B and C for any scenario, and my idea of flexibility is to be ready with a variety of options. It doesn't always have to be my way, but I'll be damned if we sit around fiddling our thumbs when something can be checked off, accomplished or decided.

Last week we had two big events. The baby shower and an ultrasound to check on my marginal placenta previa. The baby shower was a blast (once I have the photos, there will a separate post on that!), but the ultrasound two days before didn't provide any new information to help me prepare my birth plan. For someone who always has a plan, this is was not what I wanted to hear.

A few years ago when babies were just "someday", I saw "The Business of Being Born", a documentary on contemporary delivery practices here in the U.S. that specifically delved into the growing number of medical interventions, as well as our emphasis on medication. My mother had seven children in a hospital, but without any interventions. My mother's mother had eight children, in South Korea some at home, some at a hospital, but also without any interventions. Suffice to say I assumed that I was in a good position (at least genetically) to follow suit.

Well our 20 week anatomy scan back in May begged to differ. Everything looked great, but the technician wanted to bring in the head nurse to discuss one small thing. Uh oh. My placenta was just "a teeny tiny" bit too close to the cervix. Not a complete placenta previa, but a marginal one. A complete one, in any circumstance, is an automatic one-way ticket to Cesarean city. It means that the placenta blocks the exit and will have no choice but to detach and deliver first if a woman goes into labor. So what's wrong with that? Well, as soon as a placenta detaches, your baby is no longer able to receive any oxygen. NOT GOOD. Secondly, this creates a situation for heavy blood loss in the mother. NOT GOOD AT ALL. But me and Baby Bearhat? We were marginal, with a strong possibility for movement. An 80-90% chance in fact that I would clear the green zone and get past 20mm. We left that day with an appointment to come again in 9-10 weeks.

Last week was week 29, and sadly there was no news. Still 4mm to go, and wouldn't you know it that she would be breech? Oh and not just any breech, but possibly frank breech (with at least one leg straight up) happily sucking on a toe while we poked around. The message was clear: I'm doing fine in here, live in the moment and stop obsessing about planning everything out.

So what's my birth plan? 
For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan.

I'm just ready for whatever Baby Bearhat decides to do. Maybe BB will turn, maybe the placenta will move, maybe neither. More ultrasounds are in our future, and I'm just now realizing how serious this birthing business is despite how easy my mother and grandmother made it seem. Yes, pregnancy and birthing are natural, but that doesn't mean unusual things don't happen. We have more women and babies surviving childbirth today for a reason. As someone who, "once a upon a time" envisioned giving birth with a doula in a birthing tub, I've quickly learned that it's not just about me and my plans. I've seen enough birthing stories where a mother is distraught mid-labor because things don't go the way she wants, adding tears and more stress to an already highly emotional situation. We just have to remember that sometimes mother nature throws us for a loop, and the end goal should always be to have a healthy mother and baby. I'm so grateful that I live in a time when appropriate measures can be taken to ensure that both Baby Bearhat and I will be safe.

Now I just have to keep eating and help her pack on the pounds. She needs to more than double her body weight in the next 2 months. Definitely no complaints here!

But Who Will Make The Seaweed Soup?!

The last time I went home, I was able to convince my poor ailing grandmother out of her crazy idea to come live with me after birth. She's frail and I fear she just wouldn't be able to handle the four flights of stairs to our San Francisco apartment everyday, much less survive the ridiculous winters here with her little bird bones. Also, she hates cats!

No, sunny Los Angeles is where she belonged. I told her that she should continue to enjoy her retirement schedule of making Korean dumplings, going to the spa with her friends, and generally just taking it easy. Once my wonderful sister agreed to come up for a week or so, my grandmother was finally convinced to stop packing her bags.

The news of my grandmother staying at home however, immediately made my mother worry exactly who would be around to make me seaweed soup! ....Huh?

So what's so important about seaweed soup? Well, I always had it on my birthday so I was a bit confused. In fact, if you ever watch any Korean dramas, people make a pretty big deal about making sure you eat some on every birthday. My grandmother makes kick-ass seaweed soup so I quite enjoy it, but it wasn't a big favorite among my siblings. So anyway, it wasn't until I got pregnant that I finally understood the true meaning of seaweed soup (or 미역국, pronounced Mi-yeok Guk)

The reason why Koreans eat seaweed soup on our birthdays is because it is supposed to be a reminder of what our mothers had to go through to bring us into this world. Yep, some good old Asian guilt! Mi-yeok seaweed is usually the type that is used to make traditional Korean seaweed soup (not the same as the nori seaweed sheets or the bright green kind in seaweed salad). Mi-yeok seaweed is super rich in iron and iodine. Iron is an essential ingredient for our bodies to make blood so it helps replenish all the blood we lose during childbirth. Iodine helps kick-start the production of hormones, which in turn helps produce breast milk. The broth of the soup is usually made out of beef or dried fish, which helps provide some much needed calcium and protein. Turns out that it's tradition for women to eat Mi-yeok guk for up to three weeks straight after childbirth. I don't think my mom ate it for that long, but she definitely had plenty of it after each birth. Out of this first tradition, came the secondary one where we have it on our birthdays as a reminder of our moms having this soup to recuperate from the pregnancy/childbirth.

So I have a Mi-yeok guk recipe on hand that I'll make with my sister after delivery to put my mom's worries to rest. I've been trying to teach myself how to cook more and more Korean food with Baby Bearhat on the way so if I'm successful, little BB won't ever have a birthday without seaweed soup while under my roof! A simple Google search will show you that there are many variations you can make (adding mussels being one of my grandma's favorites, but she also makes hers with homemade marrow broth which takes FOREVER, but is the true secret to why hers tastes so good). I always taste as I go, so you'll notice that happens quite a bit in this recipe. You can find the Mi-yeok seaweed at any Korean food store, just look for "미역" on the bag. It's a simple soup that hits any salty craving. However be warned: the slippery seaweed texture is not for everyone.


Ingredients:

2 cups of soaked seaweed

4 cups of beef broth
4 cups of water
1 package of firm tofu
1/4 lb of beef brisket
2 minced garlic cloves
Salt to taste
Sesame oil


Directions:

1. Soak 1/2 cup of dried seaweed in a big bowl for at least 30 minutes.
   After soaking you'll have 2 cups.
2. Drain the water from the seaweed and cut it into bite sizes.
3. Cut the beef brisket into thin inch-long pieces.
4. Drizzle sesame oil into a big pot and saute beef & garlic for a few minutes.
5. Add in the soaked seaweed and saute for one more minute.
6. Pour in the water and broth and bring to a boil.
7. Taste and season with salt if necessary.
8. Simmer for 20-25 minutes over medium heat.
   Feel free to add more water if it's too thick.
9. Taste again and season with salt if necessary.
10. Cube firm tofu into bite-size pieces and toss in.
    Let heat through 1-2 minutes. 
11. Taste again for final time. Should taste salty, but not too salty!
12. Serve in bowls alone or with Korean side dishes and a bowl of rice.

Serves 4. Soup photo is from Chilli Pepper Travels.

Making Room for Baby

Discussed my rib pain with the doctor at last week's check-up and turns out it's not exactly due to stretching as I had hypothesized, but my stomach and internal organs protesting from being smashed up into my rib cage. I had a few Aha moments when I was told that. For one, I always feel better standing or walking, which is when gravity helps pull things down a bit and my spine can be 100% straight, giving my stomach more room. Secondly, it hurts the most when I'm full. This is probably why it was killing me so much during Memorial Day weekend when all I did was eat, eat and eat. Since I don't get heartburn or horrible gas, I guess I won't complain so much and just adjust as necessary.

Above is a screenshot of the best interactive animation I've found of how our organs literally make room for baby (The Museum of Science and Industry - Chicago). Click here to check it out! I'm at week 26 now, and you can see how Baby Bearhat has already rearranged my intestines and lifted my stomach. 

In other news, the dance party continues as BB has learned some new moves in the past few weeks. Instead of just random kicking and squirming, someone's also become quite responsive. It used to be that the little Bearhat would move and kick without any rhyme or reason, peaking around Prime-time. Nowadays there's a morning, afternoon and late night schedule of activity. Even more amazing is that a poke, rub or song will often be rewarded with some movement. It's not unusual to feel something pointy jab through, and even with clothes on, one would be able to see my belly flop and twitch. Again, very weird, but also pretty cool. There's a theme here. Basically all things pregnancy related are always both totally gross and freaking amazing all at the same time.

Luckily I haven't had any issues with waking up in the middle of the night as BB has yet to do enough damage to rouse me from my deep slumbers. No matter, the Charley horses and foot cramps seem to have that area covered! I'll never forget that one morning during week 23 when I woke up in horror to a double Charley horse at 5AM. I went from sound asleep to wide-awake in less than an second. With both legs out of commission, I was unable to get up and walk it off. Instead, I laid there pitifully rubbing my own calves for 10 minutes just praying for the cramps to release. I learned shortly after that bananas (potassium) and Tums (calcium) help keep those night terrors at bay. 

The Pregnancy Gods Get Even

If there's anything you learn quickly, it's that every woman is different when it comes to pregnancy symptoms. You can read every book and every site about them, but the grab bag of symptoms you'll get will be unique to you and even different between each pregnancy you have. I considered myself pretty lucky as I only tossed my cookies once. My first trimester was shrouded by a heavy fog of fatigue and I found all my delightful vegetables absolutely revolting, but at least I could eat and all I really had to contend with was some gagging and a mild "hungover" feeling.

By the time I got into the 2nd trimester things were looking pretty damn great! Not only could I eat veggies again, but I was able to move about and feel like my old self. Another thing you learn fairly quickly is that many people are fascinated by the "horrors" of pregnancy. If things are good = it's boring. Gory details? Yes, please! Well, the Pregnancy Gods are quite fair in their hand outs, and they seem to have found a way to torture me.

Since week 23, I've been having horrible side rib pain. The kind that moves from the front to the back and back to the front again. Based on changing sizes, I can tell that my rib cage has already expanded by 3 inches and the muscles surrounding them are revolting. I partly blame myself for all those years of horrible posture, but there's nothing I can do now. I've noticed that pressure points and having SUPER straight posture helps--kinda. The worst part is that I'm not sure how this is going to get better. It appears that I'm carrying very low, and the pain will only get worse as the baby starts to grow bigger and up. That, or it'll stay super low and grow OUT, and I'll really look like a freak.

This past Memorial Day weekend, we visited family in the Midwest and boy was it rough. 90+ degrees plus humidity was not kind to my burgeoning belly. I felt like I was always panting, and my face was a constant flush of pink. By day three, I couldn't sit still even in the cool of the night due to the rib pain and I was completely fed up:

"I'm done. I totally quit. I'm over this." I said in a low tone as I pointed to my belly.
CGB just looked at me. He blinked and echoed back, "You're done?"
"Yes, I can't take any more of this. I can't imagine another four months." I replied.

I admit, not my best moment, but now that I'm back in 60 degree SF, I'm hanging in there, rib pain and all. I can just feel my skin preparing for another growth spurt as my balance starts to shift. Today, just picking up a business card I dropped while waiting for the bus was an effort. I suppose these are all signs of that awkward, annoying third trimester just around the corner...and based on recent developments, I'm gonna bet that my crankiness goes up to 11. Ugh, I just want to just curl into bed and hibernate until September. If only!

Then Comes a Baby In a Baby Carriage!

Those that know me best know that I'm highly nontraditional when it comes to how I choose to live and celebrate special occasions. For one, CGB and I were together for 10 years before we got engaged and when we did, per my request, I opted out of having a diamond engagement ring and asked for my birthstone, a sapphire. And it couldn't be any old sapphire, I was pretty adamant that it couldn't be blue (look, when you've been together for that long, you might as well ensure that you get what you want!). Without any hesitation, CGB did a stellar job locating a natural and unequivocally unique lilac sapphire <3.

When it came to our wedding, the story wasn't any different. We didn't have a bridal party, and we married in an art gallery attached to one of our favorite restaurants in the city. We had the honor of CGB's sister agreeing to be both ordained by a universal church, and sworn in by SF county to marry us (CGB wanted to cover all possible bases). No religion, no prayers, but an unbelievably personal and heartfelt story about our 11 year journey to the altar. Even revealing that to this day only one person (maybe two), know the TRUE story of how we first met. She did an incredible, unbelievable job. She had us and our guests entirely engaged either laughing up a storm or wiping away tears for a solid 30 minutes. We also had our rings passed around to each guest during the ceremony for everyone to "bless" with their wishes. When the time came, Charlie and I weren't the only ones to say "I do". Our guests were asked to do all that was in their power to support and encourage us in fulfilling the promises we made that day. Thankfully they agreed.

So now it's time for baby in a baby carriage! Being so particular, I knew that I couldn't let someone else take the reins entirely when it came to the baby shower. Again, to hell with tradition! I'm not waiting until the 7th or 8th month, and why does it have to be thrown by someone outside the family? And please, keep those diapers and melted chocolate bars AWAY from me. None of these are for me. Whatever your preference, I'm of the strong opinion that you gotta make these special events your own. Don't cookie cutter it, they're once in a lifetime moments.

So what do I want? 

I want to celebrate while my appetite strong, and I feel the best. Sure I can't drink, but I want my guests to indulge and gain some sympathy weight - there should be alcohol, and I mean beyond a champagne toast. I don't want doilies and crudités, give me napkins and calories! Not snacks, real food. And damn it, the catering better be well reviewed on Yelp. There's nothing worse than a foodie having to throw a party with bad food...I think that would be a personal horror of mine. Being in San Francisco, I plan to cut my losses and make it an evening event so that people don't have to worry about weather. Also, day drinking isn't nearly as fun as that golden sliver of early evening we like to call "happy hour". Last but not least, it takes two to make a baby so this isn't just my baby shower, it's ours: CGB, Baby Bearhat and I. As such, the invite list will be co-ed and inclusive of both our nearest and dearest. I'm extremely grateful and lucky to have my wonderful in-laws host so I hope they, and everyone we invited takes heed of the invite and: Eats. Drinks...and accordingly acts Merry!

Oh and for the lucky ones that can attend. We'll be revealing gender!

There's A Hole In My Pocket

Usually when you find out that you're pregnant, one of the things you have to adjust to is cutting down on your caffeine intake. When it comes to caffeine, doctors have recommended no more than 150-300 mg of caffeine a day.

I almost never drink soda or caffeinated coffee and it's been that way for years, but today I discovered a very strange trend when I went to check in on my debit card purchases. For the past month, I've been increasingly going to Starbucks for a soy chai latte. Sometimes a tall, sometimes a grande and depending on the weather it may be extra hot or iced. I used to indulge in this treat maybe twice a month. But what I found out today was that the habit was growing, and last week I had imbibed the sweet, slightly spicy beverage every. single. day.

Luckily a grande only holds 75 mg of caffeine, but this was clearly turning into an expensive habit! At about $4 bucks a day, if this trend continued, I would be spending $20 a week. UGH! While other caffeinated preggers are saving money as they cut down on their daily caffeine intake...I must be the only one spending more. Everyone knows that coffeehouse habits eat holes in our pockets, but I've never had to worry about such extraneous spending until now. I guess my baby likes chai.

Well, no more. Today's my wake-up call. I'm going to try my best to nip this habit in the bud and try to save these treats for when I actually meet up with friends or take breaks with co-workers (hopefully down to less than once a week). No more solo chai drinking! However, for those that want to go on a cheap date, take me! It'll only cost you four bucks.

Everyday I Cry, I Laugh, I Rage.

Ahhh...hormones. The roller coaster ride from hell. Everyday I find myself tearing up or just flat out snobbing in my office after watching something particularly sad, heartwarming or inspirational. Today it was this video on YouTube about Lacey Buchanan, a 25-year-old mom from Tennessee who shares her inspiring story of raising her son Christian. Christian was born with an extremely rare disorder that left him with a severe cleft palate and no eyes. Warning: even those that are not preggers are sure to get misty eyed watching this one!

An unbelievably beautiful story. To quell the snobbing, I decided to watch the adorable video of two 6-year-old friends who made a music video to Gotye's, "Somebody I Used To Know" that has been making the rounds. I kept seeing the link in my Facebook feed, but hadn't seen it yet:

It definitely perked me up...until the boy-girl friendship of the two reminded me of the main characters from one of my favorite books, Bridge to Terabitha and then I was crying again. But it's okay. I'd much rather cry than rage... 

The bouts of rage are usually late in the night when only poor CGB and the kitties have to deal with it. When it's over, I don't even remember what I was even angry about - consider it a fugue state. In fact, I bet I ate that pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream in a fugue state because it's missing.