Hello, 2015. What a Way to Start the Year.

Wow, has it really been almost 2 years since I posted here? How much has changed...

No point trying to catch up on every little thing so I'll just write about what's on my mind these days. I'm watching my parents physically fall apart in front of my very eyes. I didn't think I'd have to worry about such things until I was in my 60s. Here I am just starting the next generation with the first grandchild on either side of the family, and my parents bodies are showing signs of wear.

After a dramatic weight loss that left my father weighing less than me, I took him in for a physical to find out that he was hyperglycemic with a blood sugar level of 523 WITH pneumonia. It was Type 2 diabetes and the worst part of it is that apparently he has known about for two years! He's been in denial about it and decided to treat himself with a variety of crazy myths. The latest? Drinking gallons of "bitter juice". Yes, my diabetic father was drinking about a gallon of grapefruit juice a day for the past 3 months. Thus the dramatic weight loss and pneumonia. I'm happy to report that he is now set with a blood sugar monitor and is keeping a diary of food and sugar levels, hopefully making up for the past two years of harmful activity.

But that's not the kicker. Last month, my mother also fell very ill. We kept asking her for more information, but she wouldn't share, as she became more and more immobile, we finally just took her to the Emergency Room. Her body was riddled with an infection and she had severe back pain. After many tests, we discovered blood clots in her lungs, legs and Stage 4 breast cancer. Yeah, fucking cancer. After she was safely in the hospital and we knew what we were dealing with, she began to talk. I learned that there was a lump that showed up over 5 years ago, that she had shared it with her sister who had advised to get it checked out. However, because it never physically hurt, she never did.

In both cases, we're just dealing with the here and now. Taking one day at a time. I've learned a lot these past few weeks about both my parents, their fears, their strengths, and how to better communicate with them.

My parents are only in their 60s, I can't imagine what would have happened if me and my siblings hadn't noticed their weight loss and silent suffering and started asking hard questions. There was a lot of resistance, tears and yelling. But we got both of them on paths for treatment. My father has a lot of weight to gain back and my mom has at least 4 months of chemo ahead of her. She just started to lose her hair last week, but we are all full of positivity and hope. January put so much into perspective for me, I have tons to be grateful for and a few pieces of unnecessary baggage I can finally cut free. More than anything, I am so thankful that I have my siblings. Taking turns caring for our parents, watching each other's backs. Don't get me wrong, we certainly fought as kids, had our differences, ignored or have been highly competitive with each other. As adults, however, things have changed. Together, we are unbreakable. I cherish our late nights over In-N-Out reminiscing and sharing our hopes and dreams and the future we want to create.

When I was a kid, my family loved watching nature docs on PBS together.

If you have siblings that you aren't close with....try, and try again. As adults, you can piece such different perspectives together to see the past in a whole new light. Where before there was rank and different levels of maturity, as adults you can now stand as equals and come to a completely different level of understanding. I thank my parents for this a rare and precious gift: six amazing siblings that remind me that there are always a variety of perspectives to consider in any given situation. To quote Tolkien: "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us".

I've decided to choose forgiveness, gratefulness and love.

So Where Are All The Baby Photos?

There is without a doubt nothing I am more proud of than being a mom to my little BBH. So naturally like every other parent I can't help but want to flood my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds with cute photos and videos of my baby. However, I also worry about privacy online and what little BBH will and will not want to share when she is older.

Well, everyone has their limits. I know some parents who just won't share their children's names on social media or others that hand select a few pictures. The majority however, share everything - and who could blame them? Kids are cute and it's so hard to resist! CGB and I have decided that family photos are okay, and so is the occasional "too cute not to share", but in general we keep BBH out of focus or off social networks simply in respect to her future self. Like us, when she's older, she can share all the baby pics of herself that she wants.

So what's a proud mama to do? My iPhone is chock FULL of photos and videos just begging to be cooed and fawned over. And besides, even the over-sharers know there are just some videos and pics you would only want family to see.

Well, here's how my proud parent bug is satiated:

Apple's Shared Photo Streams:

One of the latest iOS updates made shared Photo Streams available. Shared Photo Streams are the easiest way I've found to share photos in my Camera Roll with just the people I choose. Friends and family are invited to subscribe via email and every time I add a photo to my stream, they can leave comments and "like" it. In fact, they get notified automatically when I add a new photo or when comments are added. It's our own private social network for photos!

It's become such a hit, each of our family members has their own stream and we share everyday photos with just a tap of the finger. Learn more about it here. Only available for Apple devices.

Fantastic for photos, but what about video? Well, I'm addicted to:

Joya - Send Mobile Family Videos

Pretty much anything you can do with the streams, Joya does for mobile videos. In addition, the beauty of this app is that it takes all the technology out of sharing videos. Viewers don't need the app (unless they want to view and keep all your videos on their mobile device). Also, unlike Photo Streams, this app is device agnostic, android/apple they're all friends here.

No more grainy videos via MMS or fiddling with attachments and downloads. No need to worry about what kind of file extensions I have or finding the right program to play the video. I just upload within the app, and a private link can be sent via SMS or email to Grandma - all she has to do is click and my full length, full quality video plays in a browser window.

With Joya I don't worry about who is viewing my videos. I don't have to take time setting anything to private or editing lists because I invite and send videos directly to my family and friends. It doesn't sit on YouTube somewhere or semi-hidden in Facebook. In addition, I get a notice every time one of my friends or family watch a clip. It brings a smile to my face knowing they can get a little nugget of BBH's world anytime they want.

Just like the Photo Streams, we've expanded our usage beyond baby. I have family members sending vacation videos, funny pet clips and even special messages to BBH to get her accustomed to their faces and voices (wayyy better than just photos!). The privacy element actually makes the experience very personal. Download it for free here!

The funny thing is, with these private options available, I actually share more than I would have with just social media. I think I average about a photo every other day and a video ever other week! BBH just started crawling about two weeks ago, so I've got quite the bevy of videos taking up my Joya stream these days!

Disclaimer: All views and opinions are my own. Full disclosure: Though I had the privilege of working with the Joya team, I was not compensated or asked to write about this app I simply love :)

Halmonee's Postpartum Rules

Halmonee is Grandma in Korean. And below are a combination of Korean old wives tales and my mother's own anecdotal postpartum rules from having 7 children. I thought I'd jot them down while I still remembered them so that I can be sure to *lovingly* nag my own daughters and daughter-in-laws in the future.

• Soup of any kind is the best for breastfeeding (seaweed soup is best).
• One must stay covered up at all times, to the point of sweating. 
• Socks must be worn at all times.
• Don't take large bites of hard objects, teeth will start to weaken.
• No reading or computer time, your eyes will get worse.

My mother has never spend more than 10 minutes in front of a computer her entire life so not sure how that one got in there, but her visits during the first two months were a godsend.

I understand now why new parents can seem so obsessed with their kids, smug even. It is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. To survive caring for a newborn is nothing short of a miracle - thus my complete absence from blogging for the past 3 months! But for now, a toast to all the mamas and papas before me as I raise this glass (of real alcohol!) to them.

Baby Bearhat Teaches Me A Lesson

Baby Bearhat is already teaching me a lesson, and SHE still has 11 weeks to go!

I'm a very controlling person. "Bossy" is a term frequently (and lovingly) used to describe me by my friends and family. The upside is that if you hang with me, you'll never have to worry about not having a plan. I always have a plan A, B and C for any scenario, and my idea of flexibility is to be ready with a variety of options. It doesn't always have to be my way, but I'll be damned if we sit around fiddling our thumbs when something can be checked off, accomplished or decided.

Last week we had two big events. The baby shower and an ultrasound to check on my marginal placenta previa. The baby shower was a blast (once I have the photos, there will a separate post on that!), but the ultrasound two days before didn't provide any new information to help me prepare my birth plan. For someone who always has a plan, this is was not what I wanted to hear.

A few years ago when babies were just "someday", I saw "The Business of Being Born", a documentary on contemporary delivery practices here in the U.S. that specifically delved into the growing number of medical interventions, as well as our emphasis on medication. My mother had seven children in a hospital, but without any interventions. My mother's mother had eight children, in South Korea some at home, some at a hospital, but also without any interventions. Suffice to say I assumed that I was in a good position (at least genetically) to follow suit.

Well our 20 week anatomy scan back in May begged to differ. Everything looked great, but the technician wanted to bring in the head nurse to discuss one small thing. Uh oh. My placenta was just "a teeny tiny" bit too close to the cervix. Not a complete placenta previa, but a marginal one. A complete one, in any circumstance, is an automatic one-way ticket to Cesarean city. It means that the placenta blocks the exit and will have no choice but to detach and deliver first if a woman goes into labor. So what's wrong with that? Well, as soon as a placenta detaches, your baby is no longer able to receive any oxygen. NOT GOOD. Secondly, this creates a situation for heavy blood loss in the mother. NOT GOOD AT ALL. But me and Baby Bearhat? We were marginal, with a strong possibility for movement. An 80-90% chance in fact that I would clear the green zone and get past 20mm. We left that day with an appointment to come again in 9-10 weeks.

Last week was week 29, and sadly there was no news. Still 4mm to go, and wouldn't you know it that she would be breech? Oh and not just any breech, but possibly frank breech (with at least one leg straight up) happily sucking on a toe while we poked around. The message was clear: I'm doing fine in here, live in the moment and stop obsessing about planning everything out.

So what's my birth plan? 
For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan.

I'm just ready for whatever Baby Bearhat decides to do. Maybe BB will turn, maybe the placenta will move, maybe neither. More ultrasounds are in our future, and I'm just now realizing how serious this birthing business is despite how easy my mother and grandmother made it seem. Yes, pregnancy and birthing are natural, but that doesn't mean unusual things don't happen. We have more women and babies surviving childbirth today for a reason. As someone who, "once a upon a time" envisioned giving birth with a doula in a birthing tub, I've quickly learned that it's not just about me and my plans. I've seen enough birthing stories where a mother is distraught mid-labor because things don't go the way she wants, adding tears and more stress to an already highly emotional situation. We just have to remember that sometimes mother nature throws us for a loop, and the end goal should always be to have a healthy mother and baby. I'm so grateful that I live in a time when appropriate measures can be taken to ensure that both Baby Bearhat and I will be safe.

Now I just have to keep eating and help her pack on the pounds. She needs to more than double her body weight in the next 2 months. Definitely no complaints here!

Making Room for Baby

Discussed my rib pain with the doctor at last week's check-up and turns out it's not exactly due to stretching as I had hypothesized, but my stomach and internal organs protesting from being smashed up into my rib cage. I had a few Aha moments when I was told that. For one, I always feel better standing or walking, which is when gravity helps pull things down a bit and my spine can be 100% straight, giving my stomach more room. Secondly, it hurts the most when I'm full. This is probably why it was killing me so much during Memorial Day weekend when all I did was eat, eat and eat. Since I don't get heartburn or horrible gas, I guess I won't complain so much and just adjust as necessary.

Above is a screenshot of the best interactive animation I've found of how our organs literally make room for baby (The Museum of Science and Industry - Chicago). Click here to check it out! I'm at week 26 now, and you can see how Baby Bearhat has already rearranged my intestines and lifted my stomach. 

In other news, the dance party continues as BB has learned some new moves in the past few weeks. Instead of just random kicking and squirming, someone's also become quite responsive. It used to be that the little Bearhat would move and kick without any rhyme or reason, peaking around Prime-time. Nowadays there's a morning, afternoon and late night schedule of activity. Even more amazing is that a poke, rub or song will often be rewarded with some movement. It's not unusual to feel something pointy jab through, and even with clothes on, one would be able to see my belly flop and twitch. Again, very weird, but also pretty cool. There's a theme here. Basically all things pregnancy related are always both totally gross and freaking amazing all at the same time.

Luckily I haven't had any issues with waking up in the middle of the night as BB has yet to do enough damage to rouse me from my deep slumbers. No matter, the Charley horses and foot cramps seem to have that area covered! I'll never forget that one morning during week 23 when I woke up in horror to a double Charley horse at 5AM. I went from sound asleep to wide-awake in less than an second. With both legs out of commission, I was unable to get up and walk it off. Instead, I laid there pitifully rubbing my own calves for 10 minutes just praying for the cramps to release. I learned shortly after that bananas (potassium) and Tums (calcium) help keep those night terrors at bay. 

Picking Out A Baby Name!

The first question everyone asks is: 
Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?

The second one is:
Have you picked out a name?

The specifics are still secret in our case, but I can say the answer to both is yes. The gender will be revealed at our baby shower and both a boy and girl name were selected back in January (I know, pretty early). When it comes to names, the only criteria I hold is that it's not just a name I find nice, or one that I just like the sound of. There has to be deep meaning and a story behind why. About a month ago, all the baby sites started to post name popularity rankings for 2012. My favorite baby name site is Nameberry.com, but here is the top 10 list from BabyCenter:

When you start to do research for a baby name, you'll find lots of opinion pieces on why "so and so" won't be choosing one of the top names. But the reality is that these are the top names because they are GOOD names. I say this because back in 2009, I read a great Wired article titled: "Why Your Baby's Name Will Sound Like Everyone Else's" that I never got out of my head (still available online). It's a breakdown of SSA data that analyzed the baby name trends and discussed why certain names are more popular than others. For instance, the growth of vowel vs. consonant starting names is easy to spot, but why do these kinds of changes happen? The reality is that, "parents are really bad at knowing why they like certain names." So even if I go with my meaningful/story rational, the bottom line is that my name selection will fit within my generational set:

"In aggregate, the popularity of baby names are merely driven by the rules of fashion. By a process known as the “ratchet effect,” the names change slowly, as millions of individuals just happen to like names that sound kind of, but not too much, like ones they know."

Even names like Jacob and Isabella which you may think are largely due to the infamous tween Twilight series, are actually only because the names, "fit into the ratchet effect already...If a celebrity has a name that fits in with the ‘different, but not too different’ thing, then it booms.” (eg. Miley Cyrus, quite similar to Emily, no?).

However, we're seeing more and more of a shift towards choosing more novel and unique names. One perspective says that our desire to do so says something about our national culture to be unique and stand out (but then isn't that also following the crowd when it's starting to look like a trend?). Others argue that the visibility of these annual rankings impact our decision against choosing a culturally popular name since we are now very much aware of it being #1 or #2. To which I say, sure, but I already know of an Ethan, Sophia and Ella all born in the past 3 months. If I expanded out to 1-2 degrees of separation, I know a toddler or baby that hits every name on this list. For whatever reason these names "sound" right to us and if you picked one of them, there is no doubt that everyone else will like them too - which is a good thing!

For someone named Cherry, I've always believed no one would even bother to blink at what I decide to name my child. If they hate it, there's a built-in excuse: "well, her name is Cherry, so go figure." Did I hate my name growing up? Never. Was I teased? Yes, I recall some childhood jokes when the Cherry Merry Muffin doll came out (just replace "sweet" with "bad" and you get the picture):

But here's a newsflash: teasing isn't only name-based, children are still figuring out who they are and in the process can be cruel. It's up to parents to teach them how to be good people. After grade school, so many more people loved my name, gushing over how pretty it was. To this day, when I pick up a name tag or check in for an appointment/reservation strangers still smile and compliment me on something I never even had a choice about (which is mostly true, but I'll save that story for another day). My name broke a lot of "rules". It's a fruit, and spelled like it. Some might argue it's a stripper's name. When you look up Cherry in Nameberry, it simply says: "Why give your future teenager even more reason to hate you." But on the contrary, this name has worked out great for me and I've always worn it proudly!

If there's one thing that's for sure, no matter what you name your baby, some will love it and some will hate it. Everyone brings their own memories or personal baggage when they hear a name, but it's not THEIR baby, it's yours. Choose the one you love -- popular, unpopular, unique or otherwise.

Just don't name them Hitler.

Two Cats & A Baby

Ever since I was a little girl, I've loved cats. I love them so much I have a dedicated cat blog (and if I ever shirk my duties there for Baby Bearhat, please call me out). Growing up, I had both cats and dogs, but I prefer my dogs adventurous and outgoing and my cats cuddly and calm. Not having the time or space for a dog, I've always focused more on cats.

Lucky for me, CGB also loves cats. When we first moved in together, our place would not allow pets so it was just the two of us for quite a while. That's why when we moved up to San Francisco in 2006, on the top of our apartment wish list was: cats allowed. We moved into a great spot in March and by July of that year, we welcomed our new roommates: Alvin and Piggy. Huddled together in a temporary cage at a bay area PetSmart, they hid from every visitor. While other kittens pawed at us, and wanted desperately to play, these two just cowered in the corner...but we were undeterred. Grey little Piggy caught my eye, and CGB just melted at Alvin's fluffy white chest and marshmallow paws.

Now at 6 years of age, they are the cuddliest, sweetest roommates (if still a bit shy around strangers). After my pregnancy announcement, it surprised me how many people asked if we were going to be keeping them with the baby on the way. Inside all I could think was: HOW IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION?! 

On my first visit back home after sharing the good news, my Mom (a life-long cat hater) simply remarked, "Well, that's it for the cats!" When I shook my head no, and explained that the boys would be staying put, my Dad moved into the conversation with concern, "but...but, it's not good for the baby!" 

And it wasn't just my parents! So what exactly was everyone concerned about? Seems that quite a few people believe that cats will suffocate the baby. This stems from an old myth that cats can "suck out a baby's breath". I've noticed that seemingly normal people have evolved this to: having a cat around isn't good for baby's breathing, or that the cat will suffocate a baby by cuddling with it. Neither are correct. Your baby could be allergic to cats, but there's nothing that makes a cat worse for a baby over a dog, a hamster or any other pet. For more details on this ridiculously evil cat rumor, I recommend heading to Snopes.com.

The bottom line is that you would never leave your baby unattended, right? Well, then suffice to say you wouldn't leave the little one alone with any animal either. That's just common sense! What I wanted to cover in this post, was how to properly introduce your baby. The last thing you want to do is end up with jealousy or behavioral problems that result in isolation or worse...the permanent eviction of your furry friend. Sometimes you're just lucky and your pet will just go with the flow, but the fact remains that countless dogs and cats are abandoned each year because new parents don't take the time and patience to get everyone properly acquainted. Remember, animals have feelings too!

Here are some things I've found in my research that I have already, or plan to implement:

• Having cuddle time/play time with baby powder on my hands. In general, getting pets to associate baby smells with positive interactions.
• Gradually playing recordings of an infant crying. Having them get used to the sound versus being alarmed at the sudden onslaught.
• Providing them with more outlets for stress relief. A new scratching post, maybe a new bed.
• Increasing the square footage in the apartment.Cats and dogs are territorial, since Alvin and Piggy are indoor cats, I'm considering getting them a higher cat tree so that they can have some height and distance if they feel like the addition of another roommate encroaches on their property.
• Having CGB bring home baby's scent via a swaddle sheet or blanket before arrival. This gives them a chance to "meet" the baby before it actually enters the home.
• Enter the home solo and greet your pets (they probably haven't seen you in a few days) before coming in with the baby in your arms, or have another family member hold the baby.
• Luckily our cats have never been allowed into either of the bedrooms without supervision, but when the baby items start to take over the 2nd room, curiosity will be on high alert. We'll continue to give them room tours and let them browse the changing landscape being careful that they don't sit or sleep on any of baby's soft and cushy things (as enticing as they may seem!).
• Maintain any routine (feeding, playing) as close as possible after baby's arrival. 
• Interacting with your pets while the baby is in your arms is a good idea (baby=attention). Ignoring them until baby is asleep sends the opposite message (baby=no attention).

Last, but not least...as baby gets older don't forget that it's equally  important to teach our children how to treat and respect our fellow furry friends. It's a two way street! 

Should Pregnant Women Celebrate Mother's Day?

This was a topic in my September discussion board and it seemed like there were a lot of mixed opinions. I saw both sides and personally thought it would be much sweeter to celebrate next year when I could "officially" consider myself a mother, but it wasn't until I read this particular editorial piece about it on Yahoo! Shine that I had to give a double-take.

The title gives you an idea of the author's harsh stance: "Mother's Day Gifts for Pregnant Women Are Kind of Ridiculous". The author was due late in April so she's very excited to be celebrating her first Mother's Day this year. As such, even if you're due the day after Mother's day, the following is an excerpt of her opinion on the matter. I quote:

"...I think that giving a Mother's Day gift to a pregnant woman takes the fun out of future Mother's Days when they're actual mothers. It's jumping the gun a little bit. I mean, a cute card from your husband is one thing, but a full-blown gift is pretty unnecessary. I sort of liken it to throwing your child a semi-elaborate "Half Birthday Party" when he or she turns 6 months old (yep, people do that). It's too much, too soon. And it makes the big birthday party -- the 1 year birthday party -- all that much less special."

I wasn't planning on celebrating Mother's Day, but this morning I was surprised by CGB with a totally unwarranted and surprise pregnancy massage at the spa to commemorate the special day! This is his freebie year to NOT have to remember or care about Mother's Day one last time, but instead he chose to celebrate it. Why should I deny friends and family the right to celebrate Mother's Day just because my baby isn't here yet? And what about the Mother due just a few days or even a few weeks after? Same goes for the example the author gives about Half-Birthdays, if loved ones want to celebrate and make someone feel just a little extra special, why is that ridiculous? I disagree that it diminishes the "official" day in any way, in fact, those days are just more special.

I think asking for a gift, or requesting others to celebrate on your behalf may be where the line is for me. But even then, provided that it's not for financial gain, any party or celebration of life is a positive in my book. So if you find yourself with friends and family that want to celebrate your pregnancy on Mother's Day, let them! I don't believe that Love should be saved up for just "official" occasions. Life is too short to limit ourselves in any way around showing how much you care about someone.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mamas and Mamas-to-be!

The Halfway Mark: Sharing The News

This Friday marks the end of our 20th week. Hard to believe how fast & slow the time has gone. Having finally told "the world" the news, there's one thing that I didn't anticipate. And it's the variety of reactions you get when you share the big news. After speaking with many new moms, it turns out that it's quite commonplace to come face to face with a few silent nods, tears of sadness and even just general awkwardness. In my case these were few and far between and drowned out by a sea of smiles and genuine congrats. However, after viewing some of the baby boards, I thought it might be helpful to write down what I've learned about when your good news isn't received as good news:

• You never know what the other person could be going through. 
• Many of us have children around the same age range as we grow up with our peer set. Well, you never know who's been trying for awhile, having difficulties or maybe never wants babies. Understandably they've probably kept it quiet up until you decided to drop your happy bomb. Just give them some time to open up, or not. Either way, you never know.
• Not everyone's a mushy marshmallow.
• When people give me good news, I squeal, I hoot and I holler. When I hear someone is having a baby, I even get a bit teary eyed and can't help but give them a huge grin from ear to ear. I want to shake them and give them a huge hug - and I'm not even a hugger. But not everyone is like that. Some people are really happy for you, but they just don't get all gooey and melt into a puddle. Remember how they reacted when you surprised them at Christmas or for their birthday...was it about the same reaction? Well, that's the best they've got! 
• Some people just need time.
• Sometimes the closest to you have the strongest reactions you would never anticipate. There may be tears, and they may say things that they aren't fully digesting. These are the people that you expected to give you the biggest hug, but it didn't turn out that way. Having a baby to them means a tight-knit friendship is about to change forever. They might feel left behind, or even betrayed. These friends just need time. If they mean a lot to you, don't worry about what they say no matter how hurtful it may sound. Just give them some space and recognize that it's them, not you. Don't be the one to throw the friendship away. If they really love you, I guarantee that they'll be there for you when they're ready. 

I'm fortunate enough to be "around that age", and in a long-term, stable relationship that being pregnant wasn't a huge, huge surprise so I don't have thoughts to share around breaking the baby news when it's out of left field, but I hope it helps a little. 

As a final note, my parents have been asking for grandchildren for years in a very matter-of-fact kind of way (they aren't super expressive people). My Dad's advice since I was 18 was to get married, and immediately, "pop them out, one, two, three, four...as many as you can. Then, start your career." Needless to say I didn't follow that advice having been together with CGB for nearly 13 years, not getting engaged until our 10th and marrying at the 11th, all the while working on my career. Yet, when I broke the news both of my parents and only living grandmother were overwhelmingly elated - literally howling at the moon! I knew they would be happy, but I expected a pat on the back, maybe a hug, and a few knowing smiles. Bottom line: you just never know how people will react!