So Where Are All The Baby Photos?

There is without a doubt nothing I am more proud of than being a mom to my little BBH. So naturally like every other parent I can't help but want to flood my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds with cute photos and videos of my baby. However, I also worry about privacy online and what little BBH will and will not want to share when she is older.

Well, everyone has their limits. I know some parents who just won't share their children's names on social media or others that hand select a few pictures. The majority however, share everything - and who could blame them? Kids are cute and it's so hard to resist! CGB and I have decided that family photos are okay, and so is the occasional "too cute not to share", but in general we keep BBH out of focus or off social networks simply in respect to her future self. Like us, when she's older, she can share all the baby pics of herself that she wants.

So what's a proud mama to do? My iPhone is chock FULL of photos and videos just begging to be cooed and fawned over. And besides, even the over-sharers know there are just some videos and pics you would only want family to see.

Well, here's how my proud parent bug is satiated:

Apple's Shared Photo Streams:

One of the latest iOS updates made shared Photo Streams available. Shared Photo Streams are the easiest way I've found to share photos in my Camera Roll with just the people I choose. Friends and family are invited to subscribe via email and every time I add a photo to my stream, they can leave comments and "like" it. In fact, they get notified automatically when I add a new photo or when comments are added. It's our own private social network for photos!

It's become such a hit, each of our family members has their own stream and we share everyday photos with just a tap of the finger. Learn more about it here. Only available for Apple devices.

Fantastic for photos, but what about video? Well, I'm addicted to:

Joya - Send Mobile Family Videos

Pretty much anything you can do with the streams, Joya does for mobile videos. In addition, the beauty of this app is that it takes all the technology out of sharing videos. Viewers don't need the app (unless they want to view and keep all your videos on their mobile device). Also, unlike Photo Streams, this app is device agnostic, android/apple they're all friends here.

No more grainy videos via MMS or fiddling with attachments and downloads. No need to worry about what kind of file extensions I have or finding the right program to play the video. I just upload within the app, and a private link can be sent via SMS or email to Grandma - all she has to do is click and my full length, full quality video plays in a browser window.

With Joya I don't worry about who is viewing my videos. I don't have to take time setting anything to private or editing lists because I invite and send videos directly to my family and friends. It doesn't sit on YouTube somewhere or semi-hidden in Facebook. In addition, I get a notice every time one of my friends or family watch a clip. It brings a smile to my face knowing they can get a little nugget of BBH's world anytime they want.

Just like the Photo Streams, we've expanded our usage beyond baby. I have family members sending vacation videos, funny pet clips and even special messages to BBH to get her accustomed to their faces and voices (wayyy better than just photos!). The privacy element actually makes the experience very personal. Download it for free here!

The funny thing is, with these private options available, I actually share more than I would have with just social media. I think I average about a photo every other day and a video ever other week! BBH just started crawling about two weeks ago, so I've got quite the bevy of videos taking up my Joya stream these days!

Disclaimer: All views and opinions are my own. Full disclosure: Though I had the privilege of working with the Joya team, I was not compensated or asked to write about this app I simply love :)

100 Days and Counting!

So much has happened in the past 3 and a half months. It's hard to believe that we survived it all. My new year's resolution is to start writing down more updates as up until now, finding time to write even a little tiny thing has been the furthest from my mind. To summarize, "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times".

BBH is a textbook baby that doesn't like to nap (as textbook as a baby can be anyway - hello, grow spurts!) Thankfully after the 2 month mark, we figured out how to nap and have settled into a traditional E.A.S.Y. pattern. The length of the naps, however, is still a mystery. Sometimes as short as 40 minutes, or randomly as long as 3 hours. Once she's down, I'm on the clock for "me-time".

2013 brought us our first uproarious giggle fit, and the beginning of 8-hour long stretches of sleep...in her own room! No more kangarooing, and no more co-sleeping. She loves taking selfies and squealing at her reflection in the mirror. This week, she started to wiggle her hips more and take an interest in her toes. Above all else, RAB loves to "stand". It's been her favorite activity since week 4. Coming in at a close second is bath time! Needless to say the "splash zone" has increased significantly since the early days.

As timing would have it, BBH's 100 days was January 1st. In Korean culture, the 100 days tradition (baek-il) is celebrated with a mini birthday party. You have piles of fruit, rice cakes and plenty of food for friends and family to come over to celebrate. Stemming from low survival rates, the 100 days celebration is first of many cultural milestones tied to the birthday. We were in the midwest for the holiday break, and had some beautiful white snow to play in for a festive photo shoot to commemorate the special occasion.

showing off her winter coat

waving to the paparazzi in her sherpa hat

Does Marissa Mayer Have It All?

Yesterday, Silicon Valley was a buzz about the appointment of Yahoo! newest CEO, Marissa Mayer. Based on her resume, she was Google's 20th employee, and their first female engineer. The bulk of Mayer's career was spent at the internet giant working on a myriad of projects, but mostly on the search team. Most reports say she pretty much topped out at Google and was overdue to blaze a path of her own...sure enough, Yahoo! came a knocking.

Shortly after her appointment, Fortune magazine broke the news about her pregnancy. This is her first, a baby boy due October 7, 2012. This puts him just a little over 2 weeks after Baby Bearhat's expected due date. She disclosed her pregnancy to Yahoo! in June and no one on the board was concerned. “They showed their evolved thinking,” Mayer told Fortune. She added that she intends for her maternity leave to only be a “few weeks long” and that she’ll be working throughout it.

So, does she have it all?

If you haven't read the latest opinion piece on "having it all" by Anne-Marie Slaughter at The Atlantic, it's a solid read. I'm getting pretty tired of hearing this phrase, but Mayer's appointment really brought it back again front and center, and I have to admit I had quite a knee jerk reaction to her maternity leave plan. I guess as much as we don't try to judge, we all have strong opinions about what's best for our babies.

Kudos to Yahoo! for not even batting an eyelash regarding the pregnancy. Having more women in prominent positions is nothing but good news for me and my daughter in regards to gender equality in the workplace, so I wish her the best. However, I can't help but cautiously eye Yahoo!'s board with skepticism. Their board is a notoriously outspoken, gossipy bunch that has already blown through 3 CEOs in 2012 alone before appointing Mayer. Between them and her own little outspoken bundle of joy, she definitely has her work cut out for her.

In my opinion (worth nothing, BTW), when we talk about "having it all" we forget about those women who have nothing. I don't know what the details of Mayer's plan is when she decides to work during her maternity leave, but no one person (man or woman) can do it alone. Her husband, family, friends and/or hired help will be involved. I myself will have a sister staying with me during my leave and have been able to secure daycare for when I return to work. It's pricey, but I am thankful that I can afford to do so. Many women don't have that option and some are forgoing time with their own children to take care of the children of women who "have it all".

So my answer is no. Marissa Mayer does not have it all...and neither do I, but what we do have are choices. The majority of single mothers and lower income families do not have the choices that we do. The mommy wars drive me nuts because to me, just the mere fact that we can choose to stay at home or work on our careers is the victory. The fact that Baby Bearhat will also someday able to make a choice along that continuum is fantastic. Why do we waste our time bickering over which is the better choice and who's a better mother? It's a class-based debate that stifles our progress.

There's still a long way to go in regards to gender equality in the workplace, but at least in regards to families, maybe we could start with something to make it easier for dads to take off time for paternity leave, and increase awareness around making stay-at-home dads more culturally acceptable. Making it financially and culturally easier for dad to share the load at home gives men an option beyond bringing home the bacon. Today, even the most stellar employee is given a hard time for taking extra unpaid leave for a new child, and the most engaged fathers still find themselves dealing with "mean girl" parents who judge him for not working and assume based on his gender that he is less qualified to raise children. Gender inequality in the workplace not only undervalues women flat out, but also undervalues a man's place in the home. This creates a lopsided decision making process when a dual-income household starts to have children.

I believe that if parents can take turns being with baby, both can take turns working on their careers, and work together to raise a family. Then maybe....finally....not just women or men, but a family can have it all.

Baby Bearhat Teaches Me A Lesson

Baby Bearhat is already teaching me a lesson, and SHE still has 11 weeks to go!

I'm a very controlling person. "Bossy" is a term frequently (and lovingly) used to describe me by my friends and family. The upside is that if you hang with me, you'll never have to worry about not having a plan. I always have a plan A, B and C for any scenario, and my idea of flexibility is to be ready with a variety of options. It doesn't always have to be my way, but I'll be damned if we sit around fiddling our thumbs when something can be checked off, accomplished or decided.

Last week we had two big events. The baby shower and an ultrasound to check on my marginal placenta previa. The baby shower was a blast (once I have the photos, there will a separate post on that!), but the ultrasound two days before didn't provide any new information to help me prepare my birth plan. For someone who always has a plan, this is was not what I wanted to hear.

A few years ago when babies were just "someday", I saw "The Business of Being Born", a documentary on contemporary delivery practices here in the U.S. that specifically delved into the growing number of medical interventions, as well as our emphasis on medication. My mother had seven children in a hospital, but without any interventions. My mother's mother had eight children, in South Korea some at home, some at a hospital, but also without any interventions. Suffice to say I assumed that I was in a good position (at least genetically) to follow suit.

Well our 20 week anatomy scan back in May begged to differ. Everything looked great, but the technician wanted to bring in the head nurse to discuss one small thing. Uh oh. My placenta was just "a teeny tiny" bit too close to the cervix. Not a complete placenta previa, but a marginal one. A complete one, in any circumstance, is an automatic one-way ticket to Cesarean city. It means that the placenta blocks the exit and will have no choice but to detach and deliver first if a woman goes into labor. So what's wrong with that? Well, as soon as a placenta detaches, your baby is no longer able to receive any oxygen. NOT GOOD. Secondly, this creates a situation for heavy blood loss in the mother. NOT GOOD AT ALL. But me and Baby Bearhat? We were marginal, with a strong possibility for movement. An 80-90% chance in fact that I would clear the green zone and get past 20mm. We left that day with an appointment to come again in 9-10 weeks.

Last week was week 29, and sadly there was no news. Still 4mm to go, and wouldn't you know it that she would be breech? Oh and not just any breech, but possibly frank breech (with at least one leg straight up) happily sucking on a toe while we poked around. The message was clear: I'm doing fine in here, live in the moment and stop obsessing about planning everything out.

So what's my birth plan? 
For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan.

I'm just ready for whatever Baby Bearhat decides to do. Maybe BB will turn, maybe the placenta will move, maybe neither. More ultrasounds are in our future, and I'm just now realizing how serious this birthing business is despite how easy my mother and grandmother made it seem. Yes, pregnancy and birthing are natural, but that doesn't mean unusual things don't happen. We have more women and babies surviving childbirth today for a reason. As someone who, "once a upon a time" envisioned giving birth with a doula in a birthing tub, I've quickly learned that it's not just about me and my plans. I've seen enough birthing stories where a mother is distraught mid-labor because things don't go the way she wants, adding tears and more stress to an already highly emotional situation. We just have to remember that sometimes mother nature throws us for a loop, and the end goal should always be to have a healthy mother and baby. I'm so grateful that I live in a time when appropriate measures can be taken to ensure that both Baby Bearhat and I will be safe.

Now I just have to keep eating and help her pack on the pounds. She needs to more than double her body weight in the next 2 months. Definitely no complaints here!

Picking Out A Baby Name!

The first question everyone asks is: 
Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?

The second one is:
Have you picked out a name?

The specifics are still secret in our case, but I can say the answer to both is yes. The gender will be revealed at our baby shower and both a boy and girl name were selected back in January (I know, pretty early). When it comes to names, the only criteria I hold is that it's not just a name I find nice, or one that I just like the sound of. There has to be deep meaning and a story behind why. About a month ago, all the baby sites started to post name popularity rankings for 2012. My favorite baby name site is Nameberry.com, but here is the top 10 list from BabyCenter:

When you start to do research for a baby name, you'll find lots of opinion pieces on why "so and so" won't be choosing one of the top names. But the reality is that these are the top names because they are GOOD names. I say this because back in 2009, I read a great Wired article titled: "Why Your Baby's Name Will Sound Like Everyone Else's" that I never got out of my head (still available online). It's a breakdown of SSA data that analyzed the baby name trends and discussed why certain names are more popular than others. For instance, the growth of vowel vs. consonant starting names is easy to spot, but why do these kinds of changes happen? The reality is that, "parents are really bad at knowing why they like certain names." So even if I go with my meaningful/story rational, the bottom line is that my name selection will fit within my generational set:

"In aggregate, the popularity of baby names are merely driven by the rules of fashion. By a process known as the “ratchet effect,” the names change slowly, as millions of individuals just happen to like names that sound kind of, but not too much, like ones they know."

Even names like Jacob and Isabella which you may think are largely due to the infamous tween Twilight series, are actually only because the names, "fit into the ratchet effect already...If a celebrity has a name that fits in with the ‘different, but not too different’ thing, then it booms.” (eg. Miley Cyrus, quite similar to Emily, no?).

However, we're seeing more and more of a shift towards choosing more novel and unique names. One perspective says that our desire to do so says something about our national culture to be unique and stand out (but then isn't that also following the crowd when it's starting to look like a trend?). Others argue that the visibility of these annual rankings impact our decision against choosing a culturally popular name since we are now very much aware of it being #1 or #2. To which I say, sure, but I already know of an Ethan, Sophia and Ella all born in the past 3 months. If I expanded out to 1-2 degrees of separation, I know a toddler or baby that hits every name on this list. For whatever reason these names "sound" right to us and if you picked one of them, there is no doubt that everyone else will like them too - which is a good thing!

For someone named Cherry, I've always believed no one would even bother to blink at what I decide to name my child. If they hate it, there's a built-in excuse: "well, her name is Cherry, so go figure." Did I hate my name growing up? Never. Was I teased? Yes, I recall some childhood jokes when the Cherry Merry Muffin doll came out (just replace "sweet" with "bad" and you get the picture):

But here's a newsflash: teasing isn't only name-based, children are still figuring out who they are and in the process can be cruel. It's up to parents to teach them how to be good people. After grade school, so many more people loved my name, gushing over how pretty it was. To this day, when I pick up a name tag or check in for an appointment/reservation strangers still smile and compliment me on something I never even had a choice about (which is mostly true, but I'll save that story for another day). My name broke a lot of "rules". It's a fruit, and spelled like it. Some might argue it's a stripper's name. When you look up Cherry in Nameberry, it simply says: "Why give your future teenager even more reason to hate you." But on the contrary, this name has worked out great for me and I've always worn it proudly!

If there's one thing that's for sure, no matter what you name your baby, some will love it and some will hate it. Everyone brings their own memories or personal baggage when they hear a name, but it's not THEIR baby, it's yours. Choose the one you love -- popular, unpopular, unique or otherwise.

Just don't name them Hitler.

Should Pregnant Women Celebrate Mother's Day?

This was a topic in my September discussion board and it seemed like there were a lot of mixed opinions. I saw both sides and personally thought it would be much sweeter to celebrate next year when I could "officially" consider myself a mother, but it wasn't until I read this particular editorial piece about it on Yahoo! Shine that I had to give a double-take.

The title gives you an idea of the author's harsh stance: "Mother's Day Gifts for Pregnant Women Are Kind of Ridiculous". The author was due late in April so she's very excited to be celebrating her first Mother's Day this year. As such, even if you're due the day after Mother's day, the following is an excerpt of her opinion on the matter. I quote:

"...I think that giving a Mother's Day gift to a pregnant woman takes the fun out of future Mother's Days when they're actual mothers. It's jumping the gun a little bit. I mean, a cute card from your husband is one thing, but a full-blown gift is pretty unnecessary. I sort of liken it to throwing your child a semi-elaborate "Half Birthday Party" when he or she turns 6 months old (yep, people do that). It's too much, too soon. And it makes the big birthday party -- the 1 year birthday party -- all that much less special."

I wasn't planning on celebrating Mother's Day, but this morning I was surprised by CGB with a totally unwarranted and surprise pregnancy massage at the spa to commemorate the special day! This is his freebie year to NOT have to remember or care about Mother's Day one last time, but instead he chose to celebrate it. Why should I deny friends and family the right to celebrate Mother's Day just because my baby isn't here yet? And what about the Mother due just a few days or even a few weeks after? Same goes for the example the author gives about Half-Birthdays, if loved ones want to celebrate and make someone feel just a little extra special, why is that ridiculous? I disagree that it diminishes the "official" day in any way, in fact, those days are just more special.

I think asking for a gift, or requesting others to celebrate on your behalf may be where the line is for me. But even then, provided that it's not for financial gain, any party or celebration of life is a positive in my book. So if you find yourself with friends and family that want to celebrate your pregnancy on Mother's Day, let them! I don't believe that Love should be saved up for just "official" occasions. Life is too short to limit ourselves in any way around showing how much you care about someone.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mamas and Mamas-to-be!

Are You Going To Eat That?

Placentophagy is the act of eating the placenta. Now, I've seen plenty of animal documentaries in my day and have seen footage of animals eating their placenta. Growing up it was kind of a Park past time to sit in the living room together as a family after dinner and just tuck in to the latest PBS animal documentary. I'm not a doctor, a nurse, a scientist or anything related to a credible source when it comes to this topic, but I got very interested in it when I read that January Jones was eating her own placenta after the birth of her son Xander (source: People.com).

At first, I was disgusted. Literally sick to my stomach, but being kind of a hippie living in San Francisco, I decided to at least Google it. You get a lot of mixed opinions on the topic and after an hour of reading multiple articles and sites, I was already telling my husband to prepare a cooler to catch my placenta. The thought of eating the placenta was still horrifying, but encapsulating it into pills didn't seem so gross and if it did help with postpartum depression, lactation, energy levels, pain relief, and helping return the uterus to its original size...in fact the list goes on if you want it to...why not, right? Well, being only in my 16th week I promised CGB that I'd discuss the topic with my OB and she had some very interesting points with the bottom line being, "totally open and prepared to facilitate whatever [I] choose to do with the placenta". I went home and did more reading. So to summarize my research here are just the facts I was able to uncover:

• Yes, most mammals eat the placenta after birth. However, not all primates do this. 
• There have been studies as to why mammals eat the placenta, but nothing scientifically definitive. Hypotheses offered include: hiding scent/traces of birth from predators, and nature providing an immediate source of nutrients for the mother.
• There is one human study from 1954 from what was then known as Czechoslovakia that had participants take a supplement that included placenta which found increased milk production. This research has not been duplicated since then and some question the study for being, "somewhat unrigorous". 
• Careful care must be utilized for placenta transport. It's like raw meat, and it must be placed on ice and refrigerated or frozen immediately if preparing for consumption. If there are any pathological concerns, your placenta will not be released to you on legal grounds. 
• Remember that the placenta is often vaginally delivered, and if you've ever had an UTI you know there's lots of bacteria and germs to think about down there. 
• Another source of bacteria: if your baby is born distressed, meconium may be released and mix with the placenta in-utero before birth. 
• There have been a handful of studies regarding rats and placenta around analgesic effects, and hormone levels, but no claims for humans.
• Human studies have been done that correlate iron deficiency with postpartum depression and fatigue, but none mention placentophagy.
• Culturally, Chinese medicine has utilized placenta as a medicinal supplement, but usage extends beyond eating your own placenta as even men will take placenta-fortified pills.

There are tons of instructions online for preparing the placenta yourself...including recipes for placenta lasagna, stew etc. A simple Google search will fill your notebook easily. I also found specialized doulas who will come to your own home to dehydrate and encapsulate your placenta for you. I thought this video on Time.com was very interesting. It's a bit graphic as they show the placenta, but it films a doula visiting Joel Stein's home and the process of how she encapsulates his wife's placenta into pill form. 

As for me, the initial fear of postpartum, increased fatigue, a painful recovery and poor lactation made me furiously search for a doula and even get a price quote on what it would cost to have one visit my home for encapsulation. I even made a few calls asking relatives who would be the lucky one to transport my placenta home while I was in recovery! But then I took a breath, talked to my OB, did more research and ultimately decided that I'll save my money and worrying for something else. Science simply does not offer enough evidence to either support or reject the benefits of placentophagy so the best we can do is to make a decision based on anecdotal, philosophical and cultural considerations. 

What I decided:

My OB has delivered and spoken with women who have eaten their placenta and still suffered with postpartum. My mother never heard of eating the placenta, according to her, it's not part of the Korean culture. Lastly, I don't have any philosophical desire to be more natural or "recycle" the afterbirth. Lavender is natural, but I'm allergic to it so I know first hand that just because it's from nature, it doesn't mean it's automatically awesome. My personal plan is to have CGB waiting with an iron-rich, warm and beautifully pink roast beef or pastrami sandwich and a generous glass of red wine when I'm out of L&D.