I just wasn't one of those moms that fell instantly in love at first sight. Part of this was due to my unbelievably long labor - I was exhausted! But I've always been a more reserved person. Always been the type that doesn't include newcomers easily into my inner circle until proven worthy. Not to say that BBH had to prove herself worthy. I was attached and loved her, but certainly not "in love" with her.
The first 3 months put CGB and I through the ringer. No amount of detail or explanation can really prepare you for those early first months. To even try is folly since every baby is totally different. If you're a parent, you know what I mean. Everyone tells you to, "enjoy every minute!" But it's so hard to do when you're worrying every second on zero sleep.
This isn't to say that I wasn't in complete awe and wonder at little BBH. Since day one, I've been fascinated and completely enthralled by her. However, it wasn't until around the 5 month mark that she's truly become nothing but a complete and absolute delight. Being away from her is now TOR-TURE! Every smile, every giggle. The way her bangs have grown out longer than the rest of her hair. My dimples, CGB's smile. Her button of a nose that has yet to reveal its final form. The tiny baby cleft chin that I can't figure out where she inherited from. Her intoxicating, sweet baby smell. It's impossible to get enough. I already find myself looking back at older pictures mourning the tiny infant that was :(
6 months. So long and yet so short. I can't even begin to express the excitement and unmeasurable love I have for this still small, but maybe "not so tiny anymore" person. Every morning I look forward to learning more about who she is, and who she wants to be.
