Makin' it Rain: A Birth Story

The due date (9/20) came and went and I had already told CGB that we'd do one of our urban hikes on Saturday to get some delicious Arizmendi pizza to walk BBH out. It's a beautiful 4-mile walk roundtrip that takes you through Golden Gate Park, by the fragrant rose garden and past the De Young/Science Center. On this particular day, we got started around 11AM. It was a sunny, comfortable day and we definitely stopped to smell the roses.

Once we got to Arizmendi, CGB went ahead and got a whole order of pizza per our usual. It was mushrooms, red onions and rosemary oil, and as always we got it to go and enjoyed it together on a bench in the botanical gardens. A pesky squirrel and curious scrub jay even came to visit during our meal. As we headed back, I started to feel some contractions. Nothing too painful but these were definitely not Braxton Hicks anymore. As we walked past the De Young, I decided to take a quick bathroom break and we finished the 2 remaining slices of pizza that we had carried out of the botanical gardens. We even stopped to take another photo (the last, as it turned out) of "the bump."

By the time we got home, the contractions were starting to get a bit annoying. I told CGB, "Oh yeah, these are the real deal now." At 3PM, we decided to pre-pack and get everything into the car ready to go, assuming that we'd likely end up heading to the hospital in the morning. Once everything was packed we took a look at some movie times and were pretty disappointed that there wasn't really anything interesting to watch. Dredd was the highest rated option, other than The Master. The Master was probably the better movie, but we really didn't want to have to concentrate that hard on a movie that was already being reviewed as needing more than one viewing.

We decided to head out for a 5:15PM viewing of Dredd, and it was perfect. Pulpy, easy to follow, gory, super bloody fun. We didn't see it in 3D, but I could see the benefits of it considering the "slo-mo" effects. The movie did a great job of keeping my mind off the contractions. They were noticeable, but I was having too much fun to mind them. We drove back home right after around 7PM and the drive back wasn't too bad. Uncomfortable, but tolerable. I could still talk during the contractions without any problem.

Back home, I decided to re-read a few pertinent chapters of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth which CGB and I were finding to be the BEST reference for our plan to have a natural unmedicated childbirth. Meanwhile, CGB timed my contractions using an iPhone app - they weren't very consistent every 3-9 mins. Around midnight I decided I should probably get some sleep in preparation for the big day, but sleep wasn't coming. I lay in bed as CGB organized music, gathered some final "Hospital Humor" photos for the iPad and also re-read Ina May. He joined me around 1AM and started timing contractions again. By 3AM, they were coming in every 2-3 minutes, we had not yet reached the standard 1 minute in length, but we'd been going like this for at least 2 hours so we decided to call it in.

The nurse on the phone took in our information and told us to, "scoot on in." Luckily we live only 5 minutes away from the hospital so we took our time to both shower, feed the cats and triple check our list. I painfully walked down the 4 flights of stairs to the car, stopping and initiating my deep breathing with each contraction. At even only 5 minutes, the drive to the hospital was excruciating. When we got to the OB reception, I saw another couple get turned away. "Not yet" a woman told her husband as they picked up their hospital bag and returned back home. I hoped that was not our fate.

After settling us in, a few nurses took our vitals and some blood (which ended up leaving a horrible bruise). I have a feeling that after the couple before us, they were pretty used to turning people away and expected the same for us. Around 5:30AM, someone checked and found that I was 100% effaced and 4 cm dilated - we were being moved up to Labor & Delivery! "Halfway there," CGB thought to himself...boy was he wrong! From 6-8AM, a nurse named Kris took care of us and monitored BBH's heartbeat. She was fine at 135-145 bpm reacting appropriately to every contraction. I declined an IV in order to stay mobile, we walked the hallways and kept trying different breathing sounds.

From 8AM on, nurses Kim and Natalie took over. CGB immediately taped up legal sized photos from our Belize honeymoon and turned on ambient ocean sounds to help me focus on relaxation which really helped. We had a huge window and I'd often just stare out to fit and happy people going about their morning. Every chance he could, CGB made eye contact with me and offered a different breathing pattern which I would mimic to get through the pain. At noon, I was checked again and progress had been made: 5-6cm! There was some doctor chatter about breaking the waters, but nurse Kim didn't believe it would be necessary.

CGB ordered some lunch and had a cheeseburger and fries while I sipped water and ate strawberry jello. I bounced on the birthing ball and just watched him eat with envy. We continued to walk, breath and focus as CGB put up a photo I took of the Pantheon (one of my favorite focal points) to help me keep thinking "open." After lunch, the pain increased and CGB decided to share his "Hospital Humor" photo gallery on the iPad with me. It was a collection of various photos we'd taken throughout the years and internet memes that he knew had made me laugh. However, an afternoon check at 2PM found that we had not made any progress.  Luckily hourly fetal monitoring found that BBH was beyond content to stay in the womb, maintaining her heartbeat and showing zero signs of distress.

At 3PM, it had been 24 hours of labor (almost 12 in the hospital) so we all agreed to break the waters. Kim told me that things would progress quickly soon after and to prepare for the rush. Sure enough the pain did come faster and some of the "Hospital Humor" photos weren't cutting it for me. I focused on the Pantheon and kept walking and bouncing on the birthing ball. Instead of just deep breathing I was starting to groan. By 4PM, we had progressed to 6cm and Kim told us to prepare for active labor and the pain of transition. She told us that transition was when she found that women go crazy and completely lose control. Kim had shared with us earlier in the day that she had been through a natural unmedicated birth herself, so she was purposeful in making eye contact with me and telling me to "be ready for it."

From 5:30-7PM, I can't even correctly recollect all the details of the labor. CGB tells me that I was on my hands and knees on the bed, grabbing the handrails with every contraction and growling, grunting and snarling like a wild animal. I remember telling everyone I wanted to push, but being told it wasn't yet time. My eyes were closed or squinted from this moment on. Kim and CGB took turns wiping my brow and offering me water after every contraction. I remember exclaiming, "HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO PUSH THROUGH THIS?!" I dreaded the fetal monitoring every half-hour, but was thankful every time I heard that BBH was happy as a clam inside. At 7PM, I heard the words I desperately wanted to hear: "You are complete, let's prepare for pushing."

In my delirium I heard CGB ask how long this last stage might take. Kim told him anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. It had now been 16 hours since we were admitted and 28 hours since labor had first started. The end just kept moving farther and farther away from us. We tried pushing on all fours to begin with, and made slow progress. We had the squat bar placed as requested and made better progress there. My eyes were still closed, I was sweating profusely and beyond exhaustion. I heard nothing but words of encouragement but could sense that I wasn't progressing during this time as quickly as the OB and nurses had hoped. I was tired and deep inside my head, I honestly wasn't sure I could go on. At 8PM, CGB feared that my exhaustion was too great and later told me that he could sense the OB wanting to intervene (possibly with an episiotomy) and decided he needed to put the pedal to the metal. He leaned behind me and coached me through the next several pushes as we "pushed" together. He told me we were so, so close. For one brief moment I remember not being able to feel him behind me and I asked, "Where are you?" He pushed back into me in response and told me we were almost there. Suddenly the room was abuzz as BBH started to crown. Between my squinted eyes I could see things were moving and scrubs were being pulled on. The bed was prepared for delivery and I could sense the feeling in the room shift to much anticipation. With my last reserves, CGB and I pushed together, through the "ring of fire." At 8:21PM, I felt a huge gush of water and instant, immediate relief. Adrenaline coursed through my body as a wet and wriggly baby was placed onto my belly. My own eyes finally opened at the same time BBH's did. She cried and scanned the entire room. She latched for breastfeeding immediately watching me every second with surprising consciousness.

Our original plan was to have the OB cut the umbilical cord, but after the entire journey, CGB decided to do it after all. We even had the icing on top of having them wait to cut the cord until it stopped pulsating. Other than the intervention of breaking the waters, everything we wanted came true. No IV, no epidural, no pitocin and what we once thought to be inevitable...no cesarean.

After an initial hour of euphoria, I officially passed out and CGB took care of the rest. Two stitches and a placenta later, we were moved to Recovery where we spent the next 48 hours as mini-celebrities for our amazingly long and completely unmedicated natural birth. At 8lbs, 1oz and 21 inches long, she surprised everyone with her strength and alertness, scoring a solid 9 on her APGAR.

This first week at home is an entirely new (and scary) adventure, but I am so unbelievably grateful that Rain Althea Barratt remained cool, calm and collected through a 29-hour labor to make all this possible. She's already proven herself to be one strong little lady.

The Final Week

Five days before the due date is EXACTLY when you go to a wedding!

Despite many dubious looks and words of concern, I knew that unless I was in labor that morning, we were going to Brett and Nancy's wedding. To me, staying at home and having nothing happen would have been absolutely worse than going and having to leave early. As we get closer to the due date, often times it seems that everyone around me is more freaked out about this impending birth than I am. CGB says I'm being overconfident, but I'm just taking it one day at a time.

When you're told at the beginning of a pregnancy that you may have no choice but to have a cesarean, there isn't much to anticipate. A date will be picked, a time will be set. In addition to us already knowing that we're having a girl and having picked out a name back in January, everything starts to feel like it's running on automatic.

However, when suddenly all the options become available, you feel like you've been given a second chance.  When my placenta previa cleared, I began to appreciate each and every day. I looked forward to my check-ups. Finding out on week 38 that I had effaced from 25%-90% was really cool. Even if it isn't really any indication of timing, it's amazing to know that our bodies just know what to do. The surprise of not knowing when this baby could come is probably the most exciting part of this pregnancy and call it overconfidence or blind optimism, but I for one don't plan to sit around and pace in fear or hide myself away from society. I'm going to (safely) enjoy these last few days (or weeks) as they come. My goal now is to have an unmedicated birth, but lesson learned - I'm staying as flexible as possible.

And BTW, the wedding was absolutely gorgeous. The weather was in the sunny 70s, and we had a blast. By far one of the most beautiful weddings I've attended to date - of course I was crying during the ceremony and of course I had a bite of every dessert offered (2 types of cake, chocolate cupcakes, homemade apple pie, a candy bar of delectables, and make your own s'mores!) To celebrate the occasion, I decided to wear an old vintage dress that my mother wore when she was pregnant with me. I wonder if it will still be fashionable enough for little BBH to wear herself someday...

3 days to go, then BBH starts to collect brownie points. Well, except for the 24th - I think it would be best for both of us if we didn't have the exact same birthday!

The Waiting Place

Now that BBH is full term, CGB has been reading aloud to help her get accustomed to his voice and so that there might be something consistent and comforting waiting for her outside in the real world that she'll remember from the womb. We always end the night with "Guess How Much I Love You" and Dr. Seuss' "Oh The Places You'll Go!"

With only 15 more days until the due date...CGB and I can't help but feel particularly in tune with what Dr. Seuss' described as the "waiting place":

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the rain to come, or the mail to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Tomorrow, we'll be at 38 weeks!
Below are some guesses for when BBH will arrive:

Early:
9/15 Great Aunt Lynn
9/16 Great Uncle Bill
9/17 Aunt Leah
9/18 First Cousin Bryce
9/19 Great Grandpa Beltz

On The Dot:
9/20 Great Grandma Park, Uncle Josh

Late:
9/21 Great Aunt Julie
9/22 Grandpa Geoffrey, Aunt Jasmine
9/23 CPB, (Grandma Sarah)
9/24 CGB, Grandma Donna
9/25 (Grandma Sarah), Uncle Andrew
9/26 Grandpa John
9/27 Great Aunt Betsy
9/28 Aunt Clare
10/2 Aunt Annisa

**Now updated for all immediate family. Seems like the majority of the family thinks BBH will be a later gator. My own mother has a hunch that we'll have another Park family b-day pairing. Two of my sisters have back to back birthdays in March and my mother and youngest brother have back to back birthdays in December. Since I'm the 24th, she's thinking BBH will hit the 23rd or 25th. Everyone is just waiting!

Baby Bearhat's Lineage

Interesting fact: both of Baby Bearhat's Grandfathers are not American citizens. Both by choice.

My dad is from far South in South Korea - Busan, born the only son of a fisherman and his housewife. CGB's dad is the youngest of three (but also the only son), born and raised in London, England by a self-employed house painter and secretary.

Both my mother and I were naturalized as U.S. citizens in 1999, and CGB's mother is multi-generations deep into America.

This means Baby Bearhat will be 50% Korean, 25% English and 25% Caucasian Mix. One of the reasons I decided to start this blog was to keep track of how CGB and I introduce family traditions to BBH along the way. Food will certainly play a huge part in this. I definitely plan to relive my first memories of eating kimchi and Choco-pies through BBH. If my mother has her way, she'll be up here making seaweed soup for my postpartum recovery so I (and BBH via breast milk) will be dining on that for at least a week! Meanwhile, CGB will be introducing brown sauce, licorice pipes, and training her to be a loyal St. Louis Cardinals fan.

The comparison photo I shared in the "What Will My Baby Look Like?" includes a photo of me from a very specific Korean tradition that I can't wait to share. It's called the Dol Janchi or "Dol" for short. It's the celebration of the baby's first birthday. Now I know everyone celebrates the first birthday, but in Korean culture it has a special meaning. Celebrating the first year of life is related to high infant mortality rates in the not so recent past. If a child could make it past their first birthday, he or she had a much better chance of surviving to adulthood so whole villages would come to bless the child, and celebrate the occasion.

(Photo of me and my Mom at my Dol. Finding a baby photo of me smiling is like 

trying to find a needle in a haystack. I guess BBH got my frowny gene.)

The birthday babies wear traditional Korean attire called "hanbok" for the festivities as well as jewelry. The highlight of the "Dol" is when the child is placed in front of a table of various foods and objects and given free reign to pick up an item from the table. It is believed that the item selected will foretell the child's future. I myself picked up a paintbrush. I can't say I fulfilled that prophecy fully, but I did major in Art so I guess that counts for something. The rest of the time is spent eating - as it should be. Most of the food and decorations will be mountains of fruit and Korean rice cakes, for as the saying goes: the higher the stack, the more prosperous the life!

Baby Bearhat's First 3D Ultrasound

Two pieces of great news. First, we have less than 6 weeks to go and Baby Bearhat has turned! Secondly, the placenta has completely cleared so no previa for me! Looks like the dream is coming true, and I may get my natural unmedicated childbirth yet. Still no actual birth plan in place, but nice to know that a mandatory C-section is off the list.

Both pieces of news came during the 34th week ultrasound. In all previous ultrasounds BBH has always had a hand or foot in front of her face so we've never had a chance to really "see" her. This visit was no exception. Both hands were up in front of her face, and with things starting to get snug, so was the umbilical cord. Our technician however, was persistent and shook things up a bit to try and get a scan. She was somewhat successful.

Most will tell you that 3D ultrasounds are best done at 24-32 weeks, and ideally between week 26 and 30. This is because sound waves are used in an ultrasound. Between 26-30 weeks is when you have a good amount of space between the scanner and the baby due to a nice padding of amniotic fluid. If you go in earlier, there's not as much to see, and too much fluid. Anything later and there isn't as much fluid for a clean read, and things start to get tight as the umbilical cord, placenta and limbs start to all squeeze together.

The most important thing to remember is that the 3D ultrasound is just a reading of how the sound waves bounce back. It was surprising to me how many women freaked out in the baby boards when they saw a "hole" in the face or head. Unlike an actual photograph, it's more like seeing your reflection in a babbling brook. There's bound to be some distortion due to movement or lack of fluid.

Now, that being said, I think I we were better off not seeing our 3D ultrasound - or at least CGB was. It's quite surreal. We got 3 photos, all of them are half covered by hands or umbilical cord. Two look nothing like either of us, the third (above) is the least frightening. By CGB's reaction, I think it was probably better to have never looked at all! It'll be very interesting to compare real photos of BBH with this when she gets here. At least she's gaining weight, that's certainly good to see...but what a frown!

Does Marissa Mayer Have It All?

Yesterday, Silicon Valley was a buzz about the appointment of Yahoo! newest CEO, Marissa Mayer. Based on her resume, she was Google's 20th employee, and their first female engineer. The bulk of Mayer's career was spent at the internet giant working on a myriad of projects, but mostly on the search team. Most reports say she pretty much topped out at Google and was overdue to blaze a path of her own...sure enough, Yahoo! came a knocking.

Shortly after her appointment, Fortune magazine broke the news about her pregnancy. This is her first, a baby boy due October 7, 2012. This puts him just a little over 2 weeks after Baby Bearhat's expected due date. She disclosed her pregnancy to Yahoo! in June and no one on the board was concerned. “They showed their evolved thinking,” Mayer told Fortune. She added that she intends for her maternity leave to only be a “few weeks long” and that she’ll be working throughout it.

So, does she have it all?

If you haven't read the latest opinion piece on "having it all" by Anne-Marie Slaughter at The Atlantic, it's a solid read. I'm getting pretty tired of hearing this phrase, but Mayer's appointment really brought it back again front and center, and I have to admit I had quite a knee jerk reaction to her maternity leave plan. I guess as much as we don't try to judge, we all have strong opinions about what's best for our babies.

Kudos to Yahoo! for not even batting an eyelash regarding the pregnancy. Having more women in prominent positions is nothing but good news for me and my daughter in regards to gender equality in the workplace, so I wish her the best. However, I can't help but cautiously eye Yahoo!'s board with skepticism. Their board is a notoriously outspoken, gossipy bunch that has already blown through 3 CEOs in 2012 alone before appointing Mayer. Between them and her own little outspoken bundle of joy, she definitely has her work cut out for her.

In my opinion (worth nothing, BTW), when we talk about "having it all" we forget about those women who have nothing. I don't know what the details of Mayer's plan is when she decides to work during her maternity leave, but no one person (man or woman) can do it alone. Her husband, family, friends and/or hired help will be involved. I myself will have a sister staying with me during my leave and have been able to secure daycare for when I return to work. It's pricey, but I am thankful that I can afford to do so. Many women don't have that option and some are forgoing time with their own children to take care of the children of women who "have it all".

So my answer is no. Marissa Mayer does not have it all...and neither do I, but what we do have are choices. The majority of single mothers and lower income families do not have the choices that we do. The mommy wars drive me nuts because to me, just the mere fact that we can choose to stay at home or work on our careers is the victory. The fact that Baby Bearhat will also someday able to make a choice along that continuum is fantastic. Why do we waste our time bickering over which is the better choice and who's a better mother? It's a class-based debate that stifles our progress.

There's still a long way to go in regards to gender equality in the workplace, but at least in regards to families, maybe we could start with something to make it easier for dads to take off time for paternity leave, and increase awareness around making stay-at-home dads more culturally acceptable. Making it financially and culturally easier for dad to share the load at home gives men an option beyond bringing home the bacon. Today, even the most stellar employee is given a hard time for taking extra unpaid leave for a new child, and the most engaged fathers still find themselves dealing with "mean girl" parents who judge him for not working and assume based on his gender that he is less qualified to raise children. Gender inequality in the workplace not only undervalues women flat out, but also undervalues a man's place in the home. This creates a lopsided decision making process when a dual-income household starts to have children.

I believe that if parents can take turns being with baby, both can take turns working on their careers, and work together to raise a family. Then maybe....finally....not just women or men, but a family can have it all.

Week 30, Only 10 More to Go!

Big milestone with the 3-0 today, we decided to celebrate with a doctor's appointment with my favorite OB. Like many practices here in San Francisco, you pick an OB, but you never know who you'll get on the big day because the doctors within a group practice have certain days and times that they are on call for labor and delivery. The practice I chose has four in rotation, but my GYN turned OB is our favorite by far.

Today we discussed the ultrasound from last week, and she put every single one of our concerns to rest. If I could, I would absolutely time this birth to have her there, but unless it's a C-section there's just no way to know! We're moving into bi-weekly check-ups now and the next ultrasound is scheduled for early August. The usual weight and measurements were taken, and we got to listen to her heartbeat again. It was a strong 151 this time and Baby Bearhat is "perfectly average" in size. Not too big, not too small...juuuust right as Goldilocks would say.

Much of my rib pain has waned as I learn to eat smaller portions. I'm sure this is good practice as my poor stomach get pushed up more and more towards my diaphragm as we reach the finish line. Luckily no heartburn! I've decided to take down my exercising a notch as I've noticed it's become much harder to breathe. 3rd trimester fatigue is moving in, as I find myself getting very sleepy by 9pm, but a good 8 hours sets me up pretty nicely for the day. Overall feeling really good and super excited now that I can say SHE and HER around friends and family. Next on our agenda? Birthing classes. Poor CGB, as if making him watch TLC's "Baby's First Day" after dinner every night isn't already torture enough.

Baby Bearhat Teaches Me A Lesson

Baby Bearhat is already teaching me a lesson, and SHE still has 11 weeks to go!

I'm a very controlling person. "Bossy" is a term frequently (and lovingly) used to describe me by my friends and family. The upside is that if you hang with me, you'll never have to worry about not having a plan. I always have a plan A, B and C for any scenario, and my idea of flexibility is to be ready with a variety of options. It doesn't always have to be my way, but I'll be damned if we sit around fiddling our thumbs when something can be checked off, accomplished or decided.

Last week we had two big events. The baby shower and an ultrasound to check on my marginal placenta previa. The baby shower was a blast (once I have the photos, there will a separate post on that!), but the ultrasound two days before didn't provide any new information to help me prepare my birth plan. For someone who always has a plan, this is was not what I wanted to hear.

A few years ago when babies were just "someday", I saw "The Business of Being Born", a documentary on contemporary delivery practices here in the U.S. that specifically delved into the growing number of medical interventions, as well as our emphasis on medication. My mother had seven children in a hospital, but without any interventions. My mother's mother had eight children, in South Korea some at home, some at a hospital, but also without any interventions. Suffice to say I assumed that I was in a good position (at least genetically) to follow suit.

Well our 20 week anatomy scan back in May begged to differ. Everything looked great, but the technician wanted to bring in the head nurse to discuss one small thing. Uh oh. My placenta was just "a teeny tiny" bit too close to the cervix. Not a complete placenta previa, but a marginal one. A complete one, in any circumstance, is an automatic one-way ticket to Cesarean city. It means that the placenta blocks the exit and will have no choice but to detach and deliver first if a woman goes into labor. So what's wrong with that? Well, as soon as a placenta detaches, your baby is no longer able to receive any oxygen. NOT GOOD. Secondly, this creates a situation for heavy blood loss in the mother. NOT GOOD AT ALL. But me and Baby Bearhat? We were marginal, with a strong possibility for movement. An 80-90% chance in fact that I would clear the green zone and get past 20mm. We left that day with an appointment to come again in 9-10 weeks.

Last week was week 29, and sadly there was no news. Still 4mm to go, and wouldn't you know it that she would be breech? Oh and not just any breech, but possibly frank breech (with at least one leg straight up) happily sucking on a toe while we poked around. The message was clear: I'm doing fine in here, live in the moment and stop obsessing about planning everything out.

So what's my birth plan? 
For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan.

I'm just ready for whatever Baby Bearhat decides to do. Maybe BB will turn, maybe the placenta will move, maybe neither. More ultrasounds are in our future, and I'm just now realizing how serious this birthing business is despite how easy my mother and grandmother made it seem. Yes, pregnancy and birthing are natural, but that doesn't mean unusual things don't happen. We have more women and babies surviving childbirth today for a reason. As someone who, "once a upon a time" envisioned giving birth with a doula in a birthing tub, I've quickly learned that it's not just about me and my plans. I've seen enough birthing stories where a mother is distraught mid-labor because things don't go the way she wants, adding tears and more stress to an already highly emotional situation. We just have to remember that sometimes mother nature throws us for a loop, and the end goal should always be to have a healthy mother and baby. I'm so grateful that I live in a time when appropriate measures can be taken to ensure that both Baby Bearhat and I will be safe.

Now I just have to keep eating and help her pack on the pounds. She needs to more than double her body weight in the next 2 months. Definitely no complaints here!

But Who Will Make The Seaweed Soup?!

The last time I went home, I was able to convince my poor ailing grandmother out of her crazy idea to come live with me after birth. She's frail and I fear she just wouldn't be able to handle the four flights of stairs to our San Francisco apartment everyday, much less survive the ridiculous winters here with her little bird bones. Also, she hates cats!

No, sunny Los Angeles is where she belonged. I told her that she should continue to enjoy her retirement schedule of making Korean dumplings, going to the spa with her friends, and generally just taking it easy. Once my wonderful sister agreed to come up for a week or so, my grandmother was finally convinced to stop packing her bags.

The news of my grandmother staying at home however, immediately made my mother worry exactly who would be around to make me seaweed soup! ....Huh?

So what's so important about seaweed soup? Well, I always had it on my birthday so I was a bit confused. In fact, if you ever watch any Korean dramas, people make a pretty big deal about making sure you eat some on every birthday. My grandmother makes kick-ass seaweed soup so I quite enjoy it, but it wasn't a big favorite among my siblings. So anyway, it wasn't until I got pregnant that I finally understood the true meaning of seaweed soup (or 미역국, pronounced Mi-yeok Guk)

The reason why Koreans eat seaweed soup on our birthdays is because it is supposed to be a reminder of what our mothers had to go through to bring us into this world. Yep, some good old Asian guilt! Mi-yeok seaweed is usually the type that is used to make traditional Korean seaweed soup (not the same as the nori seaweed sheets or the bright green kind in seaweed salad). Mi-yeok seaweed is super rich in iron and iodine. Iron is an essential ingredient for our bodies to make blood so it helps replenish all the blood we lose during childbirth. Iodine helps kick-start the production of hormones, which in turn helps produce breast milk. The broth of the soup is usually made out of beef or dried fish, which helps provide some much needed calcium and protein. Turns out that it's tradition for women to eat Mi-yeok guk for up to three weeks straight after childbirth. I don't think my mom ate it for that long, but she definitely had plenty of it after each birth. Out of this first tradition, came the secondary one where we have it on our birthdays as a reminder of our moms having this soup to recuperate from the pregnancy/childbirth.

So I have a Mi-yeok guk recipe on hand that I'll make with my sister after delivery to put my mom's worries to rest. I've been trying to teach myself how to cook more and more Korean food with Baby Bearhat on the way so if I'm successful, little BB won't ever have a birthday without seaweed soup while under my roof! A simple Google search will show you that there are many variations you can make (adding mussels being one of my grandma's favorites, but she also makes hers with homemade marrow broth which takes FOREVER, but is the true secret to why hers tastes so good). I always taste as I go, so you'll notice that happens quite a bit in this recipe. You can find the Mi-yeok seaweed at any Korean food store, just look for "미역" on the bag. It's a simple soup that hits any salty craving. However be warned: the slippery seaweed texture is not for everyone.


Ingredients:

2 cups of soaked seaweed

4 cups of beef broth
4 cups of water
1 package of firm tofu
1/4 lb of beef brisket
2 minced garlic cloves
Salt to taste
Sesame oil


Directions:

1. Soak 1/2 cup of dried seaweed in a big bowl for at least 30 minutes.
   After soaking you'll have 2 cups.
2. Drain the water from the seaweed and cut it into bite sizes.
3. Cut the beef brisket into thin inch-long pieces.
4. Drizzle sesame oil into a big pot and saute beef & garlic for a few minutes.
5. Add in the soaked seaweed and saute for one more minute.
6. Pour in the water and broth and bring to a boil.
7. Taste and season with salt if necessary.
8. Simmer for 20-25 minutes over medium heat.
   Feel free to add more water if it's too thick.
9. Taste again and season with salt if necessary.
10. Cube firm tofu into bite-size pieces and toss in.
    Let heat through 1-2 minutes. 
11. Taste again for final time. Should taste salty, but not too salty!
12. Serve in bowls alone or with Korean side dishes and a bowl of rice.

Serves 4. Soup photo is from Chilli Pepper Travels.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow?

Proving once again that every woman and each individual pregnancy is different, I thought I would write about my hair. Apparently the higher estrogen levels during pregnancy prolong the growth phase of your hair. This means that it grows faster and it stays on your head longer translating to what looks like longer and thicker hair. Prenatal vitamins also add to this boost just by the fact that you're getting more nutrients.

My hair however, hasn't really changed much. Or if it has, it's hard to tell because of two key factors. 1) Timing was such that before I found out that I was pregnant I had decided to give my hair a rest and "go natural" just to see what it was looking like these days. I often have my hair permanently straightened or permed into a wave because I can't stand my natural frizzy, thick mix of 1/3 straight, 1/3 curly, 1/3 wavy hair. The verdict? Still a 3-follicle type mess. Which is why 2) because I had decided to go natural, I had my hair layered and thinned out to make the frizz and hair thickness easier to handle.

I guess my hair has grown thicker? Hard to say. I've always had thick hair and I've always had a lot of it fall out without anyone being the wiser. Every time we vacuum, CGB often jokes that the cats and I must have a contest to see who can shed more. Length-wise it has grown at its normal pace of 1/2 an inch a month so no big changes there either. Which brings me to one of my post-pregnancy fears: hair loss. Once estrogen levels go back to normal, the hair's natural growth phase also returns. It's not uncommon for clumps of hair to fall out in the shower and thinning to occur. Usually it looks scary, but it's just your hair going back to what you had before. I fear that I will get none of the benefits of pregnancy hair, and all of the negatives. I've seen with my own eyes other Asian women lose a good chunk of hair. And they didn't return to what they had before, but some serious thinning! Just based on personal anecdotes, I feel that this often happens to pregnant women over the age of 30 (of which I am). Living in a city like San Francisco, it's quite easy to forget that a pregnancy at or over the age of 35 is automatically considered high-risk = OLD :-P

Luckily crazy hair loss didn't happen to my mom the first time around, but she ended up having seven kids so she's a bit of an outlier. Not to mention that it was hard to jog her memory of hair patterns after my sister was born. As a precaution, I've already started to keep all the follicles I can - including the grey ones which I usually pluck out since they all annoyingly grow in one particular spot on the back of my head! I figure I need all the follicles I have until we find out what the situation looks like after birth. Poor Baby Bearhat, in addition to most likely needing glasses (both CGB and I have terrible eyesight), the poor thing has a choice of my frizzy multiple personality locks or CGB's flat, super straight, hard-to-style hair.

Making Room for Baby

Discussed my rib pain with the doctor at last week's check-up and turns out it's not exactly due to stretching as I had hypothesized, but my stomach and internal organs protesting from being smashed up into my rib cage. I had a few Aha moments when I was told that. For one, I always feel better standing or walking, which is when gravity helps pull things down a bit and my spine can be 100% straight, giving my stomach more room. Secondly, it hurts the most when I'm full. This is probably why it was killing me so much during Memorial Day weekend when all I did was eat, eat and eat. Since I don't get heartburn or horrible gas, I guess I won't complain so much and just adjust as necessary.

Above is a screenshot of the best interactive animation I've found of how our organs literally make room for baby (The Museum of Science and Industry - Chicago). Click here to check it out! I'm at week 26 now, and you can see how Baby Bearhat has already rearranged my intestines and lifted my stomach. 

In other news, the dance party continues as BB has learned some new moves in the past few weeks. Instead of just random kicking and squirming, someone's also become quite responsive. It used to be that the little Bearhat would move and kick without any rhyme or reason, peaking around Prime-time. Nowadays there's a morning, afternoon and late night schedule of activity. Even more amazing is that a poke, rub or song will often be rewarded with some movement. It's not unusual to feel something pointy jab through, and even with clothes on, one would be able to see my belly flop and twitch. Again, very weird, but also pretty cool. There's a theme here. Basically all things pregnancy related are always both totally gross and freaking amazing all at the same time.

Luckily I haven't had any issues with waking up in the middle of the night as BB has yet to do enough damage to rouse me from my deep slumbers. No matter, the Charley horses and foot cramps seem to have that area covered! I'll never forget that one morning during week 23 when I woke up in horror to a double Charley horse at 5AM. I went from sound asleep to wide-awake in less than an second. With both legs out of commission, I was unable to get up and walk it off. Instead, I laid there pitifully rubbing my own calves for 10 minutes just praying for the cramps to release. I learned shortly after that bananas (potassium) and Tums (calcium) help keep those night terrors at bay. 

A Food Day To Remember

Yesterday was one for the books in regards to the amount of food I could eat. I think the only way I could have eaten more was if I'd been plopped in front of a fully decked out Thanksgiving dinner table with all the trimmings!

The damage from sunrise to sunset:

• 6" submarine sandwich 
• 1 cup of carrot sticks
• half a gala apple
• 2 granola bars
• 1 cinnamon sugar donut twist
• a handful of dark chocolate Raisinets
• 1 apple fritter slathered with cream cheese
• 1 large bowl of shell pasta with meat sauce
• 2 large shrimp fajitas with guacamole
• a bowl full of cherries

The 2nd Trimester Hump

I know I should really be enjoying this 2nd trimester while I can, but I have to say it's quite boring! All the weekly updates that you get during this time are really similar and most of time you think, "Oh, I thought the baby could already do that!". For instance, today marks the beginning of week 25 and all the sites say the baby is going to start gaining some serious weight, and will start looking very much like a newborn. I dunno, I'm not impressed. I felt the baby kicking as early as 17 weeks so it's been a lot of kicking, squirming and stretching already. It never gets old, but it's certainly not new.

I'm big enough that people will willingly give up their seat for me on the bus, but not big enough to waddle. I'm officially in maternity pants, but as a petite person who often wore loose tops, I haven't really needed to buy much else for my changing body. In fact, I find most maternity wear ill fitting unless they're pants. If you have a small frame like me, here's what helps:

• Empire waist and wrap tops are great for an expanding chest & belly
• Elastic bands and stretchy fabrics 
• For skirts, just move the band above or below the bump
• Yoga pants are THE BEST

I was one of those types that was really hoping to go all out with the maternity clothes by my 2nd trimester, but it just hasn't happened and it makes me kind of sad. Often times in this chilly SF weather, if I'm all bundled up, you can't even tell I'm pregnant! I went shopping yesterday for a skirt and dress. Though I fawned over the maternity selections, what ended up fitting me was the same size I always wear. Granted I followed my new found rules for elastic and stretchy, and since I haven't been much of a dress wearer before, it has been a fun category to dig into.

This is why I can't wait for the 3rd trimester when we can start getting this show on the road. We'll start having bi-weekly check-ups to find out sizing and positioning, I also have one more ultrasound left and we can start focusing on our exit strategy. And maybe...just maybe I'll finally get the bump I've dreamed about. I really want my baby to be a nice, rosy, healthy chub-chub. Not too big (a la nearly 11lb Maxwell, as I'd like to avoid a C-section), but a skinny wrinkly newborn is NOT what I want to see in September! Thank goodness I have the baby shower to distract me. Thus far, decorations and details are lining up right on time. And oh yes! One more sunny trip down to LA to visit my family. Those ALWAYS do the trick when it comes to packing on the pounds!

10 Things I Love About Being Pregnant

I should add: "So Far" to the title, but I'm not one to hold back on enjoying and reflecting upon the simple things in life when I can. So here are 10 things about pregnancy that I just love:

10. Going to bed early and taking naps at any time without guilt. It used to be that my husband or friends would poke me and nag that I couldn't keep up with them on the weekends. Well, now I have a bullet-proof excuse to sleep as often and as long as I please.

9. Boobage & Badonkadonk. I've never had the most womanly of figures, but now I feel like Botticelli's Venus. Now if only I could find a giant scallop shell to lie in while a baby cupid feeds me grapes.

8. Shopping! I haven't gone crazy, but new lumps = new wardrobe. Additionally, shopping for the baby has given me a perfectly rational reason for spending money.

7. Not having to clean the litter box. I never really minded it before because I love my kitties and it comes with the territory. However, when it's doctor's orders that I not touch it at all and poor CGB has to deal with it? Pretty hilarious.

6. No laundry or trash duty. Going up and down 4 flights of San Francisco stairs is dangerous enough so I'm permanently off cleaning duty!

5. No birth control. No pills, hormones, rings, patches or rubber needed.

4. Letting it all hang out. Never having to suck it in, or squeeze into clothing. If it's not comfy, I don't wear it. Bump accentuation is so much more fun to dress for versus beer belly minimization.

3. Not having that "special time of the month". For an on-the-dot cycling girl like me, I haven't seen a pad or tampon in over 5 months and it's unbelievably freeing!

2. Being doted on and fretted over by CGB. An A+ father-to-be, he's come to every appointment (with a laundry list of questions each time), rolled me onto my left side countless times throughout the night (supposed to be the optimal way to sleep after 20 weeks), brings me chocolatey treats, and has read more books and articles about parenting than I have.

1. Stuffing my face. Since there are certain things I can't eat (or drink), I take great pleasure in chowing down on everything else. A goal of having to gain 1-2 pounds a week is pure heaven for a foodie like me. 

Picking Out A Baby Name!

The first question everyone asks is: 
Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?

The second one is:
Have you picked out a name?

The specifics are still secret in our case, but I can say the answer to both is yes. The gender will be revealed at our baby shower and both a boy and girl name were selected back in January (I know, pretty early). When it comes to names, the only criteria I hold is that it's not just a name I find nice, or one that I just like the sound of. There has to be deep meaning and a story behind why. About a month ago, all the baby sites started to post name popularity rankings for 2012. My favorite baby name site is Nameberry.com, but here is the top 10 list from BabyCenter:

When you start to do research for a baby name, you'll find lots of opinion pieces on why "so and so" won't be choosing one of the top names. But the reality is that these are the top names because they are GOOD names. I say this because back in 2009, I read a great Wired article titled: "Why Your Baby's Name Will Sound Like Everyone Else's" that I never got out of my head (still available online). It's a breakdown of SSA data that analyzed the baby name trends and discussed why certain names are more popular than others. For instance, the growth of vowel vs. consonant starting names is easy to spot, but why do these kinds of changes happen? The reality is that, "parents are really bad at knowing why they like certain names." So even if I go with my meaningful/story rational, the bottom line is that my name selection will fit within my generational set:

"In aggregate, the popularity of baby names are merely driven by the rules of fashion. By a process known as the “ratchet effect,” the names change slowly, as millions of individuals just happen to like names that sound kind of, but not too much, like ones they know."

Even names like Jacob and Isabella which you may think are largely due to the infamous tween Twilight series, are actually only because the names, "fit into the ratchet effect already...If a celebrity has a name that fits in with the ‘different, but not too different’ thing, then it booms.” (eg. Miley Cyrus, quite similar to Emily, no?).

However, we're seeing more and more of a shift towards choosing more novel and unique names. One perspective says that our desire to do so says something about our national culture to be unique and stand out (but then isn't that also following the crowd when it's starting to look like a trend?). Others argue that the visibility of these annual rankings impact our decision against choosing a culturally popular name since we are now very much aware of it being #1 or #2. To which I say, sure, but I already know of an Ethan, Sophia and Ella all born in the past 3 months. If I expanded out to 1-2 degrees of separation, I know a toddler or baby that hits every name on this list. For whatever reason these names "sound" right to us and if you picked one of them, there is no doubt that everyone else will like them too - which is a good thing!

For someone named Cherry, I've always believed no one would even bother to blink at what I decide to name my child. If they hate it, there's a built-in excuse: "well, her name is Cherry, so go figure." Did I hate my name growing up? Never. Was I teased? Yes, I recall some childhood jokes when the Cherry Merry Muffin doll came out (just replace "sweet" with "bad" and you get the picture):

But here's a newsflash: teasing isn't only name-based, children are still figuring out who they are and in the process can be cruel. It's up to parents to teach them how to be good people. After grade school, so many more people loved my name, gushing over how pretty it was. To this day, when I pick up a name tag or check in for an appointment/reservation strangers still smile and compliment me on something I never even had a choice about (which is mostly true, but I'll save that story for another day). My name broke a lot of "rules". It's a fruit, and spelled like it. Some might argue it's a stripper's name. When you look up Cherry in Nameberry, it simply says: "Why give your future teenager even more reason to hate you." But on the contrary, this name has worked out great for me and I've always worn it proudly!

If there's one thing that's for sure, no matter what you name your baby, some will love it and some will hate it. Everyone brings their own memories or personal baggage when they hear a name, but it's not THEIR baby, it's yours. Choose the one you love -- popular, unpopular, unique or otherwise.

Just don't name them Hitler.

The Post-Pregnancy Feast

The feasting wishlist includes:

• A plate of salami and prosciutto with a slice of triple-creme brie and a freshly baked french baguette
• A glass of pinot noir, preferably from the Russian River Valley
• A bone-in slice of grass-fed Prime Rib, a beautiful medium pink
• A plate of yellowtail, toro and salmon sashimi with shredded daikon radish and shiso leaves
• One dozen Tomales bay oysters with watermelon mignonette
• A pan of Tiramisu, chilled to perfection

What Will My Baby Look Like?

Growing up the oldest of seven kids, one thing that I had the ability of experiencing first hand was the variety of gene combinations that can occur between two people. Both of my parents are Korean, but they have very different features. Only my immediate family lives in the United States so it was an even more eye opening experience when I returned to Korea for the first time at the age of 17 to see the genetic variations among my mother's family (who herself was one of eight).

I am no doubt the female version of my father. If I had to make a continuum of where each of my siblings land on a scale from Dad to Mom, it might be something like this (though I'm sure one or two of my sibs might disagree):

My youngest brother (#6) has Down Syndrome, and his features are quite distinctive for either side, so I've put him in the middle. It's amazing to me how genes work. Just because you have one kind of baby, it doesn't mean they'll all come through with the same combination. This is why CGB and I are just so incredibly curious and excited to meet our little one. I've seen the range of variety you can get with two Koreans, so what happens when you pool together genes from a Korean and a Half English/Half American with German descent? Here's a photo of us at around 1 year of age, the mind boggles at the possibilities:

Hapa children are pretty commonplace here in San Francisco, but that doesn't make it any less interesting to see all the combinations. When CGB and I were first dating, it certainly wasn't out of the ordinary, but at times it did feel noticeably different being part of a mixed race couple. Today, I'd say about 65% of my personal network consists of multicultural relationships - MARRIED multicultural relationships at that! Turkish, Italian, Mexican, Indian, Panamanian, and I don't mean Americans with descent. Many of my friends are second generation like me and grew up bilingual. In addition, both of my sisters #2 and #4 are also in committed relationships with non-Korean men. Honestly, the only thing that comes close to the excitement level of meeting our little one is how much I am looking forward to seeing him/her grow up with multi-ethnic friends.

The Pregnancy Gods Get Even

If there's anything you learn quickly, it's that every woman is different when it comes to pregnancy symptoms. You can read every book and every site about them, but the grab bag of symptoms you'll get will be unique to you and even different between each pregnancy you have. I considered myself pretty lucky as I only tossed my cookies once. My first trimester was shrouded by a heavy fog of fatigue and I found all my delightful vegetables absolutely revolting, but at least I could eat and all I really had to contend with was some gagging and a mild "hungover" feeling.

By the time I got into the 2nd trimester things were looking pretty damn great! Not only could I eat veggies again, but I was able to move about and feel like my old self. Another thing you learn fairly quickly is that many people are fascinated by the "horrors" of pregnancy. If things are good = it's boring. Gory details? Yes, please! Well, the Pregnancy Gods are quite fair in their hand outs, and they seem to have found a way to torture me.

Since week 23, I've been having horrible side rib pain. The kind that moves from the front to the back and back to the front again. Based on changing sizes, I can tell that my rib cage has already expanded by 3 inches and the muscles surrounding them are revolting. I partly blame myself for all those years of horrible posture, but there's nothing I can do now. I've noticed that pressure points and having SUPER straight posture helps--kinda. The worst part is that I'm not sure how this is going to get better. It appears that I'm carrying very low, and the pain will only get worse as the baby starts to grow bigger and up. That, or it'll stay super low and grow OUT, and I'll really look like a freak.

This past Memorial Day weekend, we visited family in the Midwest and boy was it rough. 90+ degrees plus humidity was not kind to my burgeoning belly. I felt like I was always panting, and my face was a constant flush of pink. By day three, I couldn't sit still even in the cool of the night due to the rib pain and I was completely fed up:

"I'm done. I totally quit. I'm over this." I said in a low tone as I pointed to my belly.
CGB just looked at me. He blinked and echoed back, "You're done?"
"Yes, I can't take any more of this. I can't imagine another four months." I replied.

I admit, not my best moment, but now that I'm back in 60 degree SF, I'm hanging in there, rib pain and all. I can just feel my skin preparing for another growth spurt as my balance starts to shift. Today, just picking up a business card I dropped while waiting for the bus was an effort. I suppose these are all signs of that awkward, annoying third trimester just around the corner...and based on recent developments, I'm gonna bet that my crankiness goes up to 11. Ugh, I just want to just curl into bed and hibernate until September. If only!

Then Comes a Baby In a Baby Carriage!

Those that know me best know that I'm highly nontraditional when it comes to how I choose to live and celebrate special occasions. For one, CGB and I were together for 10 years before we got engaged and when we did, per my request, I opted out of having a diamond engagement ring and asked for my birthstone, a sapphire. And it couldn't be any old sapphire, I was pretty adamant that it couldn't be blue (look, when you've been together for that long, you might as well ensure that you get what you want!). Without any hesitation, CGB did a stellar job locating a natural and unequivocally unique lilac sapphire <3.

When it came to our wedding, the story wasn't any different. We didn't have a bridal party, and we married in an art gallery attached to one of our favorite restaurants in the city. We had the honor of CGB's sister agreeing to be both ordained by a universal church, and sworn in by SF county to marry us (CGB wanted to cover all possible bases). No religion, no prayers, but an unbelievably personal and heartfelt story about our 11 year journey to the altar. Even revealing that to this day only one person (maybe two), know the TRUE story of how we first met. She did an incredible, unbelievable job. She had us and our guests entirely engaged either laughing up a storm or wiping away tears for a solid 30 minutes. We also had our rings passed around to each guest during the ceremony for everyone to "bless" with their wishes. When the time came, Charlie and I weren't the only ones to say "I do". Our guests were asked to do all that was in their power to support and encourage us in fulfilling the promises we made that day. Thankfully they agreed.

So now it's time for baby in a baby carriage! Being so particular, I knew that I couldn't let someone else take the reins entirely when it came to the baby shower. Again, to hell with tradition! I'm not waiting until the 7th or 8th month, and why does it have to be thrown by someone outside the family? And please, keep those diapers and melted chocolate bars AWAY from me. None of these are for me. Whatever your preference, I'm of the strong opinion that you gotta make these special events your own. Don't cookie cutter it, they're once in a lifetime moments.

So what do I want? 

I want to celebrate while my appetite strong, and I feel the best. Sure I can't drink, but I want my guests to indulge and gain some sympathy weight - there should be alcohol, and I mean beyond a champagne toast. I don't want doilies and crudités, give me napkins and calories! Not snacks, real food. And damn it, the catering better be well reviewed on Yelp. There's nothing worse than a foodie having to throw a party with bad food...I think that would be a personal horror of mine. Being in San Francisco, I plan to cut my losses and make it an evening event so that people don't have to worry about weather. Also, day drinking isn't nearly as fun as that golden sliver of early evening we like to call "happy hour". Last but not least, it takes two to make a baby so this isn't just my baby shower, it's ours: CGB, Baby Bearhat and I. As such, the invite list will be co-ed and inclusive of both our nearest and dearest. I'm extremely grateful and lucky to have my wonderful in-laws host so I hope they, and everyone we invited takes heed of the invite and: Eats. Drinks...and accordingly acts Merry!

Oh and for the lucky ones that can attend. We'll be revealing gender!

There's A Hole In My Pocket

Usually when you find out that you're pregnant, one of the things you have to adjust to is cutting down on your caffeine intake. When it comes to caffeine, doctors have recommended no more than 150-300 mg of caffeine a day.

I almost never drink soda or caffeinated coffee and it's been that way for years, but today I discovered a very strange trend when I went to check in on my debit card purchases. For the past month, I've been increasingly going to Starbucks for a soy chai latte. Sometimes a tall, sometimes a grande and depending on the weather it may be extra hot or iced. I used to indulge in this treat maybe twice a month. But what I found out today was that the habit was growing, and last week I had imbibed the sweet, slightly spicy beverage every. single. day.

Luckily a grande only holds 75 mg of caffeine, but this was clearly turning into an expensive habit! At about $4 bucks a day, if this trend continued, I would be spending $20 a week. UGH! While other caffeinated preggers are saving money as they cut down on their daily caffeine intake...I must be the only one spending more. Everyone knows that coffeehouse habits eat holes in our pockets, but I've never had to worry about such extraneous spending until now. I guess my baby likes chai.

Well, no more. Today's my wake-up call. I'm going to try my best to nip this habit in the bud and try to save these treats for when I actually meet up with friends or take breaks with co-workers (hopefully down to less than once a week). No more solo chai drinking! However, for those that want to go on a cheap date, take me! It'll only cost you four bucks.

This Little Light of Mine

I got home today and noticed that yet another one of the lightbulbs in our apartment had gone out.

It's been a little over 3 years since we moved into this unit, but it wasn't until the beginning of this year that the lightbulbs started to wane. One by one, slowly but surely, the bulbs on our candlelabra light fixtures started to go. First the hallway, then the kitchen. Last month, one of the bulbs in the main closet even bit the dust. I know it's just a matter of timing, but I can't help but see this as a sign that everything is about to change.

We haven't gotten around to buying replacement bulbs yet since each fixture holds 12 bulbs, but when we do, I think I'm going to be a little bit sad. That is, until the replacement bulbs are put in and I see how bright and warm things will be when I let the new light in.

Two Cats & A Baby

Ever since I was a little girl, I've loved cats. I love them so much I have a dedicated cat blog (and if I ever shirk my duties there for Baby Bearhat, please call me out). Growing up, I had both cats and dogs, but I prefer my dogs adventurous and outgoing and my cats cuddly and calm. Not having the time or space for a dog, I've always focused more on cats.

Lucky for me, CGB also loves cats. When we first moved in together, our place would not allow pets so it was just the two of us for quite a while. That's why when we moved up to San Francisco in 2006, on the top of our apartment wish list was: cats allowed. We moved into a great spot in March and by July of that year, we welcomed our new roommates: Alvin and Piggy. Huddled together in a temporary cage at a bay area PetSmart, they hid from every visitor. While other kittens pawed at us, and wanted desperately to play, these two just cowered in the corner...but we were undeterred. Grey little Piggy caught my eye, and CGB just melted at Alvin's fluffy white chest and marshmallow paws.

Now at 6 years of age, they are the cuddliest, sweetest roommates (if still a bit shy around strangers). After my pregnancy announcement, it surprised me how many people asked if we were going to be keeping them with the baby on the way. Inside all I could think was: HOW IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION?! 

On my first visit back home after sharing the good news, my Mom (a life-long cat hater) simply remarked, "Well, that's it for the cats!" When I shook my head no, and explained that the boys would be staying put, my Dad moved into the conversation with concern, "but...but, it's not good for the baby!" 

And it wasn't just my parents! So what exactly was everyone concerned about? Seems that quite a few people believe that cats will suffocate the baby. This stems from an old myth that cats can "suck out a baby's breath". I've noticed that seemingly normal people have evolved this to: having a cat around isn't good for baby's breathing, or that the cat will suffocate a baby by cuddling with it. Neither are correct. Your baby could be allergic to cats, but there's nothing that makes a cat worse for a baby over a dog, a hamster or any other pet. For more details on this ridiculously evil cat rumor, I recommend heading to Snopes.com.

The bottom line is that you would never leave your baby unattended, right? Well, then suffice to say you wouldn't leave the little one alone with any animal either. That's just common sense! What I wanted to cover in this post, was how to properly introduce your baby. The last thing you want to do is end up with jealousy or behavioral problems that result in isolation or worse...the permanent eviction of your furry friend. Sometimes you're just lucky and your pet will just go with the flow, but the fact remains that countless dogs and cats are abandoned each year because new parents don't take the time and patience to get everyone properly acquainted. Remember, animals have feelings too!

Here are some things I've found in my research that I have already, or plan to implement:

• Having cuddle time/play time with baby powder on my hands. In general, getting pets to associate baby smells with positive interactions.
• Gradually playing recordings of an infant crying. Having them get used to the sound versus being alarmed at the sudden onslaught.
• Providing them with more outlets for stress relief. A new scratching post, maybe a new bed.
• Increasing the square footage in the apartment.Cats and dogs are territorial, since Alvin and Piggy are indoor cats, I'm considering getting them a higher cat tree so that they can have some height and distance if they feel like the addition of another roommate encroaches on their property.
• Having CGB bring home baby's scent via a swaddle sheet or blanket before arrival. This gives them a chance to "meet" the baby before it actually enters the home.
• Enter the home solo and greet your pets (they probably haven't seen you in a few days) before coming in with the baby in your arms, or have another family member hold the baby.
• Luckily our cats have never been allowed into either of the bedrooms without supervision, but when the baby items start to take over the 2nd room, curiosity will be on high alert. We'll continue to give them room tours and let them browse the changing landscape being careful that they don't sit or sleep on any of baby's soft and cushy things (as enticing as they may seem!).
• Maintain any routine (feeding, playing) as close as possible after baby's arrival. 
• Interacting with your pets while the baby is in your arms is a good idea (baby=attention). Ignoring them until baby is asleep sends the opposite message (baby=no attention).

Last, but not least...as baby gets older don't forget that it's equally  important to teach our children how to treat and respect our fellow furry friends. It's a two way street! 

Should Pregnant Women Celebrate Mother's Day?

This was a topic in my September discussion board and it seemed like there were a lot of mixed opinions. I saw both sides and personally thought it would be much sweeter to celebrate next year when I could "officially" consider myself a mother, but it wasn't until I read this particular editorial piece about it on Yahoo! Shine that I had to give a double-take.

The title gives you an idea of the author's harsh stance: "Mother's Day Gifts for Pregnant Women Are Kind of Ridiculous". The author was due late in April so she's very excited to be celebrating her first Mother's Day this year. As such, even if you're due the day after Mother's day, the following is an excerpt of her opinion on the matter. I quote:

"...I think that giving a Mother's Day gift to a pregnant woman takes the fun out of future Mother's Days when they're actual mothers. It's jumping the gun a little bit. I mean, a cute card from your husband is one thing, but a full-blown gift is pretty unnecessary. I sort of liken it to throwing your child a semi-elaborate "Half Birthday Party" when he or she turns 6 months old (yep, people do that). It's too much, too soon. And it makes the big birthday party -- the 1 year birthday party -- all that much less special."

I wasn't planning on celebrating Mother's Day, but this morning I was surprised by CGB with a totally unwarranted and surprise pregnancy massage at the spa to commemorate the special day! This is his freebie year to NOT have to remember or care about Mother's Day one last time, but instead he chose to celebrate it. Why should I deny friends and family the right to celebrate Mother's Day just because my baby isn't here yet? And what about the Mother due just a few days or even a few weeks after? Same goes for the example the author gives about Half-Birthdays, if loved ones want to celebrate and make someone feel just a little extra special, why is that ridiculous? I disagree that it diminishes the "official" day in any way, in fact, those days are just more special.

I think asking for a gift, or requesting others to celebrate on your behalf may be where the line is for me. But even then, provided that it's not for financial gain, any party or celebration of life is a positive in my book. So if you find yourself with friends and family that want to celebrate your pregnancy on Mother's Day, let them! I don't believe that Love should be saved up for just "official" occasions. Life is too short to limit ourselves in any way around showing how much you care about someone.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mamas and Mamas-to-be!

From Carrots to Carrot Cake

Before my 30th birthday I had the goal of getting myself into the greatest. shape. ever. The idea being to establish a starting point after which it would just be a matter of maintenance as I moved towards 40 and on. Oh and hey, if I happened to have kids, well, at least I'd already be in the habit of exercising.

Since moving to SF in 2006, I wasn't regularly exercising. Active yes, but no scheduled, routine exercise. In 2009, in preparation for my wedding, I decided it was time to start up again, but it wasn't anything crazy. I was pretty happy with my body and I just felt like I needed to tone up here and there. I started with more walking, some jogging and yoga. It was about 3 times a week, 30 minutes each time. I went to some Bikram yoga classes and in general tried to eat healthier, but had no hard or fast rules. I saw more toning in my arms, but I stayed about the same size and was happily married on October 2, 2010.

For some reason, turning 30 was different. The wedding was two weeks after my 29th birthday and something about turning 3-0 made me a little crazy. I'm a highly goal oriented person and it was time to reset them. During this phase I had read Jonathan Safran Foer's "Eating Animals" and combined with the general knowledge that less meat is just better for you, I almost immediately implemented a strict vegan only house rule. I still believed in an omnivore diet, but I just couldn't live with the way we treat animals AND humans to obtain this privilege. For most, only eating vegan at home may not seem like a big deal, but I cook every weeknight and almost always pack my lunch, so it made a pretty fast dent in our lives physically. When outside of the home, as much as possible, I only ate humane, organic animal products and downgraded to vegetarianism.

In addition, I upped my workout schedule and was now doing 5-6 times a week of minimum 1 hour cross-training, yoga or barre workouts. Needless to say by the time I hit the big 30, there was a difference. Due to my already small frame, I didn't track weight, only inches. My arms and legs were leaner and I had to buy smaller pants, so I knew I had reached my goal. I was in no doubt, the best shape of my life. Later that month, my annual check-up confirmed it.

Four months later, I found out I was pregnant.

Suddenly the world of medicine was telling me about a whole slew of things I should be eating more of (namely protein), and things I had to avoid. In addition, the first few months brought on a fierce attack of unbelievable fatigue which completely halted my workouts. As I met with friends for a coffee break (soy decaf latte for me), I struggled to keep my end of the conversation going as I kept my pregnancy a secret. I snuck in naps at the office and found myself panting after just climbing up the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment. Nausea wasn't too bad, but if I was actually hungry (which was rare), I didn't want anything other than carbs and sugar. My favorite veggies absolutely revolted me and chocolate was always on the brain.

Thankfully that all changed by week 12. I could eat veggies again, but had to up my intake of meat for that easy one-two punch of iron and protein. The good news was that I was back. Only this time, I took it all down a notch. I adjusted my workouts to be pregnancy safe (no jumping, lying on my back, quick movements etc.) and stabilized with 5 workouts a week at 30 minutes. I mixed in more yoga and added in kegel and breathing exercises. Before, I would sweat through the pain, but now if I got hot at all, I rested. Most surprisingly, I can't get enough cake. Chocolate cake, red velvet cake, carrot cake, I want it all. As long as I get my veggies, protein and calcium for the day from whole natural foods, I allow myself to freely eat cake....and man, is it heaven. The best cake I've had thus far is Lori's Famous XXX Chocolate Cake Triple layer cake from Baker and Banker here in SF. It's a flourless chocolate cake, chocolate cheesecake and devil's food cake all in one beautiful package:

So that brings us to today. The last remaining pair of pants have waved the white flag and refuse to button. Belly bands, stretchy yoga pants and leggings are my best friends. In about two weeks, I'll finally graduate to maternity jeans (they're just still a bit too roomy still), and I honestly can't wait. They're just hanging in my closet dying to be worn.

When I last visited my mom in LA, she had another one of her crazy, but hilarious sayings at the ready. As I was eating lunch she said: "You know what your auntie always told me when I was pregnant? If you don't eat what you crave, your baby will come out cross-eyed!" Yep. You heard the lady. So please, pass the cake!