The Halfway Mark: Sharing The News

This Friday marks the end of our 20th week. Hard to believe how fast & slow the time has gone. Having finally told "the world" the news, there's one thing that I didn't anticipate. And it's the variety of reactions you get when you share the big news. After speaking with many new moms, it turns out that it's quite commonplace to come face to face with a few silent nods, tears of sadness and even just general awkwardness. In my case these were few and far between and drowned out by a sea of smiles and genuine congrats. However, after viewing some of the baby boards, I thought it might be helpful to write down what I've learned about when your good news isn't received as good news:

• You never know what the other person could be going through. 
• Many of us have children around the same age range as we grow up with our peer set. Well, you never know who's been trying for awhile, having difficulties or maybe never wants babies. Understandably they've probably kept it quiet up until you decided to drop your happy bomb. Just give them some time to open up, or not. Either way, you never know.
• Not everyone's a mushy marshmallow.
• When people give me good news, I squeal, I hoot and I holler. When I hear someone is having a baby, I even get a bit teary eyed and can't help but give them a huge grin from ear to ear. I want to shake them and give them a huge hug - and I'm not even a hugger. But not everyone is like that. Some people are really happy for you, but they just don't get all gooey and melt into a puddle. Remember how they reacted when you surprised them at Christmas or for their birthday...was it about the same reaction? Well, that's the best they've got! 
• Some people just need time.
• Sometimes the closest to you have the strongest reactions you would never anticipate. There may be tears, and they may say things that they aren't fully digesting. These are the people that you expected to give you the biggest hug, but it didn't turn out that way. Having a baby to them means a tight-knit friendship is about to change forever. They might feel left behind, or even betrayed. These friends just need time. If they mean a lot to you, don't worry about what they say no matter how hurtful it may sound. Just give them some space and recognize that it's them, not you. Don't be the one to throw the friendship away. If they really love you, I guarantee that they'll be there for you when they're ready. 

I'm fortunate enough to be "around that age", and in a long-term, stable relationship that being pregnant wasn't a huge, huge surprise so I don't have thoughts to share around breaking the baby news when it's out of left field, but I hope it helps a little. 

As a final note, my parents have been asking for grandchildren for years in a very matter-of-fact kind of way (they aren't super expressive people). My Dad's advice since I was 18 was to get married, and immediately, "pop them out, one, two, three, four...as many as you can. Then, start your career." Needless to say I didn't follow that advice having been together with CGB for nearly 13 years, not getting engaged until our 10th and marrying at the 11th, all the while working on my career. Yet, when I broke the news both of my parents and only living grandmother were overwhelmingly elated - literally howling at the moon! I knew they would be happy, but I expected a pat on the back, maybe a hug, and a few knowing smiles. Bottom line: you just never know how people will react!